Summoning Silences : The SuperNova ✔

IX

Part II
Chapter - 4

Her sound remained with me. When did she leave; I did not notice. But we were sitting there, me and Nova, at our places, for a very long time. He did not move, as neither did it.

He slowly tried getting up from his chair. That was the only thing that happened. “Excuse me,” he had said. But it is not so easy to work when you have so much on your mind.

He tried getting out, and the chair toppled, and was knocked off to the side. It crashed to the floor with a rap. It broke any bitterness of emotion I felt at the moment. Because it could have hurt him.

He would have hurt him.

All the emotions I felt flooded in raw. I hurried to him, and placed myself under his shoulder. His body felt weightless over mine. His face hid under the hair that fell to his forehead. I could not see what he looked like. I could not see if he was okay.

“I am… just… just let me be. Just let me take a moment.”

His voice was shaking.

I was scared. I was very scared. I was scared for him, or if he would be okay. What happened in front of our eyes did not mean anything, yet it was as if everything had changed with the moments that had passed away.

We were numb. We had changed.

I seated him on the couch. I called on his name. Once. Then twice. Then again. He did not respond. I backed away, and I felt him hold onto my arm.

His head raised. His eyes teared, and were dripping to the side of his face and neck. Yet, he was smiling.

“I…” he sobbed, “I am sorry. Please don’t leave me right now. Don’t leave me alone.”

“I will not.” I came closer, and he leaned into my chest. He cried then. He cried sourly. His wails were so unbearable, that I felt I might go mad.

“Don’t go,” he begged.

I sat by his side, and his head dropped to my lap. He hid there, and cried for hours. My mouth did not open even once. There was nothing I could think to do that would console him. And it was terrorizing, watching him cry. I swept my hand through his hair. My body had already shrunken into a pile of trash. Useless and futile.

The place echoed of his cries. Now I knew the sound of his chest. His throat tore apart. His sobs became weak after a while. Perhaps, they were suppressed and numbed by the grueling fatigue. He rested still, his breath unsteady, like the brine of pain in his heart. I didn’t disturb him. I would never.

When it seemed like he had sunken into asleep, I tried to shift. I did not want to leave him—I did not—but what had happened this evening had pushed a lot onto my plate too. I had lost my sense of feeling. I did not realize what to think.

I had to return. I needed to have some time to myself.

I tried stroking his hair, and moving without being noticed. I thought that I had successfully made it, when Nova shot from my lap, and rolled up. He looked tired. His hair was a mess. His eyes had gone red. It pained my heart to watch him like this.

He gulped.

“Alex…” His voice asserted my name.

“Yes,” I replied almost immediately.

He was silent. “I am so sorry. I did not mean for any of it to happen… if I had known, then I would have never…”

His words trailed off.

“No. Nova. It was my fault. It was I who insisted to—”

He looked into my eyes, and it felt as if my words got caught in my throat. My mind went blank. Or perhaps, I just did not want to think anymore. I was tired of it. Of all that had happened. I wanted to rest. I deserved to rest.