to a nightingale

SEVEN

And for a few weeks, everything is good. They move across the northwest, stop by Victoria and Vancouver to rapturous applause, spend a day hiking in Yellowstone, Gwyn breathing hard as she tries to keep up with Cassian's pace, until Nesta pulls her into what she calls the "slacker's group", handing her a flask that makes the golden afternoon in the woods turn a little hazy and much more fun. Feyre begins to show and Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn go with Mor to pick out bulky sweaters that will disguise the bump, which would be easier if Feyre's hands didn't automatically fall to her belly. She shows Gwyn photos of her current projects: hyperrealistic portraits overlaid with foil and metallic paint which makes each figure look like it's made of stars. Gwyn works on her pieces, files the piece on the collaboration with the video approved by both the Bat Boys and Verano, a quick piece drawing on the interviews with Mor and Amren, and finally, as they leave Madison, files the piece on Azriel. Their interview had lasted for hours, Azriel carefully considering what was on and off the record, and Gwyn knows that, even with the stories he chooses to keep between them only, it's going to be a huge piece. Clotho herself calls with congratulations even before the article is posted.

All the while, she lets herself share Azriel's room on the bus, winds up in his bed in the occasional hotels they stay at, and, when they're not in public, when she's not up to something with Nesta or Emerie, she seems to always have her hand in his. They build up a bantering back-and-forth, inside jokes that make Cassian roll his eyes and grin, and Gwyn's nightmares seem to vanish when he holds her close. She learns to bite back her moans when he's inside her or working his tongue against her clit, licking his palm when he covers her mouth. She memorizes the way his face looks when he comes, the soft growl of pleasure he lets loose when his control finally unravels.

They're walking into the arena in Chicago, hours after her article on Azriel goes live on the House of Wind, when Gwyn sees the camera flash out of the corner of her eye. Realizes, too late, that she's holding Azriel's hand.

All of her reasons swirl in her mind: That she'd gotten comfortable, that it had become instinct. That she'd gotten too confident that things were going her way.

Once they're inside, Azriel pulls her into the green room's bathroom and holds her tight while her breathing races and finally slows. He tells her that everything will be all right, that he will make sure it's all right, and Gwyn knows better than to believe him, but still she lets him hold her until he has to go to soundcheck.

Before the Bat Boys even take the stage, the photos have been sold to three different tabloids, and Mor is juggling four different phones. Nesta takes Gwyn's phone away after she pulls it out for the hundredth time, looking for a message from Clotho.

"It'll be all right," Emerie tells Gwyn, squeezing her hand while the Bat Boys launch into Your Starlight Eyes, Azriel looking for all the world like he's simply very focused on the music. Only Gwyn can see the muscle twitching in his jaw.

When they finish their set, and come backstage, and Azriel pulls Gwyn into the shadows and hugs her close and tight, she can hear the audience yelling night-in-gale! night-in-gale! night-in-gale! instead of one more song! Feels Azriel looking at Rhys and Cassian, shaking his head.

For the first time all tour, there's no encore.

That night, at drinks, everyone hands Gwyn a glass, but she abandons each one. She's already fallen into oblivion, and she's afraid of what she'll find if she surrenders even further. Her heart hasn't stopped racing since the camera flashed.

After an hour, she manages to pluck her phone from Emerie's pocket, sneaking off to the bathroom to scroll through the alerts. There are a dozen calls from Clotho, hundreds of emails, more tweets than Gwyn can count.