"Her Name Was Leila"

Gone

23rd of May, 2012

It was the week of my yearlies and I had two exams that day- Maths and Science.  After school, I hopped onto the school bus and went home. I felt so drained that day. I had a feeling of emptiness. A feeling of sympathy was buried deep in my heart and then soiled with layers of sorrow.

Once I had arrived home, my father hugged me. He asked me how my exams were and I told him that they were all right.

“Which exams do you have tomorrow?” He asked. I noticed that my father was the only one home. The curtains were pulled and my mother and sister weren’t in presence.

“I have Maths and Sports Science tomorrow.” I replied, while pondering about where the rest of my family members were.

I was casually untying my thick brunette hair after a busy day at school. I noticed my father walking slower than usual through the corridor.

“Leila’s really sick right now, and we have to go to the hospital. I know you have exams tomorrow, but she’s seriously ill.”

“Definitely, my friend’s health is always put before examinations. I could always catch up.” I responded immediately.

“Where my mother and sister?” I questioned.

“Your sister left work early and picked your mother up, they left earlier.”

“Oh okay, no worries.” I replied smiling.

My father still seemed as if he had more explaining to do. I felt as if she wasn’t that ill. I felt as if there was something more to the illness. I could sense grief and misery through those simple words.

“So, what’s the matter with her? Why is she sick?” I ask him.

“You know how since she was very small, she’s had a hole in her heart, it apparently became worse. As soon as you’re ready, we’ll leave. I hope you don’t mind, because you have exams tomorrow.”

“It’s no problem. I’m fine with it. Like I said, my friend’s health is more important than two 10th grade examinations.”

Several minutes passed by.  I was pondering on Facebook for a while, talking to my best friend named Hasnaa.

“Poor thing, her condition is really severe.” Said my dad while wandering around the house.

I gave my father a strange yet worried look.  “Baba, please don’t tell me she died…” I didn’t want to say this but that’s what it truly felt like.  I felt as if I were to go to the hospital, she wouldn’t be there. Her body may, but not her soul.

My father nodded with teary eyes. “Yes, she did.”

“What? How?”

“She passed away this morning around 4am. She was next to her father and she suddenly exclaimed “baba” whilst in pain and slowly passed away.”

I didn’t know what to do. I wanted somebody to pinch me, because this felt like a nightmare. “Oh Allah,” I whispered. The floor beneath me felt shattered. The whole world was coming down on me. The world was on my shoulders. I couldn’t believe it. My tears were uncontrollable, like boulders of rocks tumbling down a hill- one by one. My whole world seemed to disappear. The only thing certain in life is death, and it is so unexpected. This dramatic pain remained in my heart ever since the nodding of my father’s head.

My father hugged me. Tears were rolling down his face too.

I fell deeply. I was in shock. Nothing seemed to be important at that time. I forgot about my examinations. My sense of style. My appetite. Everything. Everything but Leila.  I threw on a black skirt, brown knitted cardigan and a dark green headscarf. My eyes were already swollen in a lapse of 5 minutes.

As soon as I was ready, we hopped in the car and drove to a take-away store, grabbed a kebab and made our way to Leila’s home.  A few people called on the way so we could pick them up.  I just remained silent as my father did all the explaining and the others in the car did the exclaiming. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even feel as if it was happening.

About 20 minutes later, we finally arrived. Many cars were there, cramming the road with little space to move around. The thought of walking through that door stroke me - walking through that door and not seeing Leyla. Not seeing her open the door. I wouldn’t see her smiling nor would I hear her speaking. I felt as if my heart dashed into millions and millions of pieces and spread into the night sky. It truly did feel so horrible.

As I walked into this one house filled with people cramming into hallways, the living room, and in the front yard, I tried my best not to believe that it was true. I tried to think that it was just a party, or a New Years Eve barbeque. I tried.

As I walked through the hallway into the kitchen, there they were, her family. Wow. I still couldn’t believe it..