No Strings

Chapter 17

"Have you noticed that we haven't been using condoms?" I asked as Sarah's head dropped onto my shoulder.

Her eyes stayed fixed on the TV but she was still relaxed against me.

"Do you mind?" I asked.

"If I minded I would have said something," she replied, snuggling closer to me.

"Then I presume you're on the pill?"

This time she sat up and turned to me. "No Jake. I'm not on the pill. I thought it would be nice to try for a baby. I fancied having one with your lovely blue eyes."

I stared at her in shock and then she smiled, a big shit eating grin that spread across her whole face. God, she looked beautiful when she smiled.

"Not funny," I said.

"Of course I'm on the pill." The smile was a little less wide now.

"I'm safe, you know," I continued. God knows why I suddenly needed to have this conversation. She was clearly uncomfortable with it, hence the cutting sarcasm, but for some reason I needed to say it. "I haven't been sleeping with anyone else."

She looked surprised.

"I haven't," I said, feeling the need to convince her.

"What about that blonde?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"What blonde?"

"The one in that pub in Shoreditch?"

"The one I left stranded to fuck you in the ladies' loo?"

"That's the one," she said, her mouth twitching into a smile.

I leant towards her, my lips close to hers. "I'm not a complete bastard you know," I whispered. "I wouldn't two time anyone."

"Even though you don't do relationships?" she murmured.

I hovered for a moment considering whether to tackle that elephant in the room, but instead I kissed her, a deep swooning kiss that I hoped would empty her head of any further speculation. I wasn't quite ready to face what was going on here. I needed to avoid the issue for as long as possible, or at least until I had worked it all out in my own head.

----

I woke the next morning, abruptly, as if I had been forced awake, but everything was quiet and still. The early morning sun slanted through the gap in the curtains and the soft wheeze of Jake's breathing was the only sound. God, Jake. He was still here. I turned my head to find his bare back facing me and was suddenly gripped with an agonizing spasm of pure shame. Why oh why oh why had I asked him that last night? Why had I brought up the issue of him and relationships? The embarrassment was crippling. I was blushing just thinking about it.

I had never expected Jake to be anything but a fuck buddy. I still didn't expect anything. So why had I gone and said that last night? And why was I so worried? It hadn't seemed to bother him. He was still here wasn't he? He had fucked himself into oblivion once again last night and passed out to spend the second night in a row in my bed.

He hadn't been home yet. He had been shut in my flat for thirty six hours now and he was showing no great desire to leave. What in the hell was going on? Surely he should have been scared off by now? He should have run away with the first suggestion of clinginess from me. The fact he was still here should make me feel less shame. Or make me utterly terrified. I really had no idea what to feel. Were we still fuck buddies? Who knew. I certainly didn't.

I got out of bed, reluctantly tearing myself away from Jake's tempting warmth and went to make a head clearing coffee, sipping it slowly while staring out of the kitchen window. Cherry blossom was appearing on the tree in the back garden. Heartening little puffs of pink.

"Sarah?" The gruff voice made me jump and I turned to find Jake rubbing his scalp, his jeans and T-shirt looking hastily pulled on. "I have to go. I have work today."

"Ok," I said, carefully removing any emotion from the two syllables.

He stayed where he was, a sexily wary expression on his face. Yet again, I had the sensation I was being examined closely. "So....?" he said, straightening his T-shirt. And when I didn't help him out, he continued with, "See you around?"

"Sure," I said in the same nonchalant tone.

He regarded me with his deep blue gaze, then picked up his jacket from the back of one of the chairs and left.

I slumped against the sink unit and bit my bottom lip. Why did I suddenly feel so tearful? This was ridiculous. I had to get a grip.