No Strings

Chapter 30

They must have given me some sort of sedative because when I opened my eyes the room swam and it took me a while to focus on the face in front of me. It was Nina and she looked different - weird. She wasn't wearing any makeup and her hair was a mess. Nina never left the house without at least applying eyeliner and mascara. What was wrong with her?

Then I remembered. It came crashing back to me suddenly. Jake and Paul struggling. A gun shot.

"Jake," I croaked. "Is Jake ...?"

Nina took hold of my hand. "He's fine," she said, but she had tears in her eyes, "But Paul ..."

"He's dead isn't he?" I asked, suddenly very sure. I could feel it in my bones. "Did Jake ...?"

"No," Nina interrupted me. "Paul shot himself."

Oh God. It was my fault. I'd done this.

"You mustn't blame yourself, Sarah," Nina said, as usual reading my thoughts. "Paul was entirely responsible for his own actions and I don't think you could have stopped him. You know he's always had issues don't you?"

"But I should have known," I stammered. "I should have helped him."

"What could you have done?"

"I don't know. Get him help?"

"You haven't even known where he was for the last six months. You know it could have been a lot worse. He might have killed Jake. He might have killed you." The tears were fully formed now and escaped down her cheeks. Nina crying was just too much for me, Nina never cried. I squeezed her hand tightly.

"It's OK Neen," I said softly. "I'm fine. Or at least I will be."

"I'm not," she laughed. "I've had absolutely no sleep, I have a hangover and you've given me the fright of my life."

"Is Ollie ...?"

"He's outside. He insisted on coming with me."

"And Jake? Where's Jake," I asked, my heart squeezing when I said his name. I suddenly, desperately, wanted to see him.

"I don't know," she said. "I think he went with the police once they'd checked him over."

A pain shot through my shoulder and I winced. "I'm guessing I was shot in the shoulder? Anywhere else?"

"No. He missed all the vital organs, they said. You're very lucky Sarah."

"I thought he was going to shoot us, Neen. I thought he was going to shoot Jake," I said, my own eyes suddenly filling with tears. "I really thought he would shoot Jake. I can't believe he didn't."

"I know darling. You must have been terrified."

"Oh Nina! I told him Jake didn't mean anything to me! I told him it was just sex."

From the look on Nina's face I could tell she was thinking that it had been about the sex hadn't it? But for once she was too diplomatic to say it.

"In front of Jake," I continued, babbling now with the sheer horror of what was dawning on me. "What the hell must he be thinking? First of all my bat shit crazy step brother threatens to kill him and then I say he means nothing to me right in front of him. I'll be lucky if he ever speaks to me again."

Nina looked a bit confused. She was trying to be a sympathetic ear but I could tell she couldn't follow my train of thought at all. After all, I hadn't told her much had I? As far as she was concerned, Jake was still Sex God, the hot neighbour who fucked me occasionally. In fact, as far as Nina knew, Jake was the ex Sex God.

"But ...?" she started to say and I decided to relieve her from the strain of trying to be tactful.

"I should have told you," I said. "I haven't exactly been honest - to you or myself."

"Told me what?"

"That Jake is a bit more than a booty call to me. I never stopped sleeping with him, Nina. I just couldn't. He was too much temptation. And he's been growing on me. Oh hell, I'm trying to be honest aren't I? He hasn't grown on me - I think I've always been crazy about him. I was just pretending not to be. I guess Paul did such a number on me that I was terrified of falling for someone again, and I pretended Jake didn't mean anything to me. But he does mean something to me, Nina, and I've probably completely fucked it up."

"Sarah," Nina said slowly, leaning forward as she stroked my hand. "None of this is exactly news to me."

I gawped at her, trying to process what she was saying.

"You forget how well I know you. I've always known you had the major hots for Jake, I could see it in your eyes when you talked about him."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"No point. You wouldn't have listened. I know you, remember!"

And I laughed which made my shoulder hurt, and I lay in my hospital bed, laughing and crying at the same time desperately trying not to move, with Nina trying not to laugh and make things worse. And at that moment I had never loved her more.