loves me, loves me not (female)

kinda prologue

Remember the game we played as children? The one with the flowers? we said ' loves me' and ' loves me not' as each petal gets ripped away from it's stamen.

But, it's just like real life too. Love is a game of luck, or chance, you flip a coin but their true colours reveal as their front wears down as time goes on.

But, as children we don't use this type of logic. We marry in playgrounds, think of our children's names and their gender and we pluck petals to see if a boy that is playing football is 'the one' or not. But we are perfectly capable of this thinking when we are older, just most of us can't connect the dots.

It was always that I picked up on these things. Small micromovements from each person could show their true emotion even if they are able to mask it. Small habits. Like biting your lip,finger nails or cuticles could signal stress and fidgeting could be anxiety
I love people, not exactly in a creepy way but we are fascinating creatures. The way our brain works and how we strive to be the best we can blows my mind. But we take things like this for granted.

We are such evolved things. I love it. We have habits that most animals are unable to even perform while we do it with ease and don't realise it. I've always wondered why I do, but I have accepted it now, it's not like I can change anything about it. I am able to unravell all types of things and that's why I have the job I have.
      I still remember my boss pleading me to have this job and how it would benefit my mindset and let it relax. I was hesitant,I agree, but I took the job and she wasn't right but it's fun. I'm a detective, one of the best in the whole of England. I've been around the world with organised crimes like gangs and mafia and I dealt with miracle workers like murderers.

I'm not what they think,I'm a fraud. But no-one will know, no-one does and they never will. I'm as corrupt as I'm not. Life is complicated unfortunately and there is no way a person is able to describe everyone's true intentions with their naked eye alone. It takes time and a whole system to do it. People think life is too easy. I hate those people, I don't think they should stay alive if they think its easy,it would be easier to stay dead. Or would it?

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{I have written this out like 5 times and it still doesn't seem right}