still looking for the reasons to be sad and tired
these feelings just would not get away
lately i have been distracted from my emotions, more often
it helped me a lot through the days, so that i would not have to make people understand
days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months
i don't remember the last time i paid attention to my feelings
i don't remember the last time i cared about my heart
i don't remember the last time i really let these feelings go with each breath i exhaled
i'm afraid i have been holding back too much of my feelings
that i actually buried it deep
then the jar was finally overloaded and started to hurt me
every little things irritated me
his his inexplicable blabbing
his silence
when he drove too fast
when they talked too loud
people walked too slow
people drove too slow, traffic
no hugs
the bubble gum ice cream, that fell out of its own stick
chinese songs
and he did not drive safely
everything woke up this little anger fire inside me, and started burning my heart
i put all of my strengths in holding myself from crying
nothing seemed to excite me
not even sushi
not even the night ocean breeze
not even iced matcha latte
until it was one in the middle of the night
when every body was sleeping peacefully, taken away to the deeper layers of consciousness,
i prayed, telling Him i did not want to be alone that night
then my tears broke down
nobody would know, nobody would have to understand, i would not have to explain
just me in my cold room and my comfortable bed and its pillows and blanket
an hour should be enough for me, i was too tired for this too
and so i wrote
then i was finally able to breathe fully
and i fell asleep with my shattered heart and those feelings that was left
YOU ARE READING
911
Poetryi journal when my feelings starts to get me drowned in it. but a thousand words won't be enough to let it out. so to make it short, poetry came by and gave me some words to get things out of my chest. almost like my 911 calls, helping me to stay san...
