The institution of hope

Ch 4

Sorry for the super long update im truly sorry!

I wake up with regret in my mind. I didn't intend to say those things to anyone at all. it's not like I can control it. The best thing I can do for myself is to apologize. I attempt to get out of bed when I slip and fall, hitting my wrist on the nightstand. “Oww!” I said after I fell while holding my wrist to my chest. I hear fast footsteps towards my room and prepare for the worst. “Oh sweets, you had quite a fall, right? Did you get hurt anywhere?” I hear someone I can't see yet. I look up and see Mj there looking me over. 

I nod and hold my wrist out to him, not saying a word. He takes it and looks closely. “Looks like you'll need a bit of ice mixed with some love.” he said smiling. I smile as well before saying, “Can you help me to my chair, please? It seems I've fallen and can't get up.” I laugh as he picks me up like a bag of rice(Literally the only thing I thought of.) and places me in my chair and wheels me out and I see everyone else and feel a physical tic come on, “Mj would you grab my mittens please?” He looked at me for a while before grabbing them for me. I grabbed them and put them on as I ‌hit my body everywhere. He walks into my room and comes back with two black mittens. “Thanks, I really FUCK! Need them.” I say, scratching at myself. After a few minutes my body relaxed as I began to calm down enough to be able to take off the mittens. “Do you wanna eat something now baby?” Mj says with a smile, I nod too tired for words at the moment. He wheels me to the table that already has food ready to eat and gets rid of it. When I get near my plate I start to eat and am finished in seconds. Now all that's left is that feeling of exhaustion from my earlier moment. I would almost fall asleep in my chair if it werent for Mj lifting me up and taking me to the living room.

I fall asleep cuddled up in Mjs chest all warm and cozy ready to sleep until I hear them talking about me? Why me? I close my eyes and listen to them talk then I hear the most devastating thing a disabled person could hear. “What do we do it's getting harder to include him at all i dont even think i want him in the relationship we have. Can’t he go somewhere else? I'm tired of pretending I like him.'' I hear Ben say and all of them agree. I feel my heart break guessing they really didnt want to bother with me in the first place… I fall asleep after feeling carried back to my room. 

I wake up the next morning and feel numb like nothing really mattered anymore. I am gonna call my friend and see if he will help me. I didnt want to stay with people who dont even like me anyway. I hear a knock on the door after ive called my friend he said I could live with him and his roomates I ignore it and lay down and turn to the side, the door opens and blake steps in “hey sweetheart how are you?” he says sweetly but i gave him a blank stare and say “I called my friend and he's picking me up and taking me to his place i'll be staying with people who can acutually care for my needs and feelings.” i get into my wheelchair and pack my things up ready to leave, he stops me “What why?! What happened!” he says sitting by my side I just say “I heard what you guys said last night so imleaving for good then you dont have to take care for me and my handicap anymore.” I say with a smile as I exit the house passing the shocked faces and into my friend's car.