"Greener" Zubert Fanfic

Chapter 1

Zubin entered the News room, shuffling through his papers and clearing his throat. He took the microphone and dusted it off before shouting, "I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!" The whole station was at a halt, staring at this intruder with a mysterious look, "ROB CANTOR IS A BITCH. ASS. MOTHERFUCKER."

The whole place was in shambles within minutes, with only a slight boom coming from the distance. Sounded so quick, yet so familiar...

BOOM.
It happened again... something was approaching quickly...

"THAT'S RIGHT! HE PISSED ON MY FUCKING WIFE!" The man spattered, "HE TOOK HIS YELLOW ASS TIE, QUILLY DICK OUT AND HE PISSED ON MY FUCKING WIFE. AND HE SAID HIS DICK WAS 'this big'." He then stopped, showing the length Rob claimed was his. It appeared to be a whopping 8 inches. Pathetic numbers. /j

Within more seconds, the thud was growing louder and the scent of red rushed through the news anchors noses. Yes, the literal scent of red. There needs to be no explanation for it. Like, explain to me why Joe Hawley created Weird Bed&/yes please and then MAYBE I'll explain the sent. Anyways, Zubin could hear the sound as well, holding himself from cackling and bursting into a blunder. He felt so excited, almost enthused... it was coming rather quickly...

"And you know what I said? I said 'that's disgusting', so... I'm making a call out post on my Twitter.com. ROB 'YELLOW TIE' CANTOR, TOU GOT A SMALL DICK. IT'S THE SIZE OF THIS WALNUT," Zubin then pulled out a relatively small walnut that was conveniently placed in his pocket and put it closer to the camera. The thuds were growing louder... "AND GUESS WHAT? HERE'S WHAT MY DONG LOOKS LIKE-"

Within a sudden stop, there was another thud. This time, it was insanely closer. The thud was a vine boom, and within that one final boom.... The buildings roof vanished to reveal his deadliest weapon! His cock! (Well, a knock off majora's mask moon with a long cock on it if you will).

"THAT'S RIGHT BABY!" He hissed, feeling the sudden flare of emotions stimulate him so quickly! "ALL POINTS, NO TIED, NO PILLOWS! LOOK AT THAT, IT LOOKS LIKE TWO BANGS IN A BONG!"

Once again, the mad man began cackling once more, releasing some wacky energy into the air. The security were too in shock to do anything, and everyone else had left. They couldn't deal with this shit. I wouldn't either tbh. "HE FUCKED MY WIfe..." he still continued, "so guess WHAT? I'M GONNA FUCK THE EARTH! THAT'S RIGHT HONEY! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET!"

The moon began to charge up, creating some sort of serum, preparing itself to release penetrate onto the Earth, (pun intended), "M Y! SUPER, LAZER, PISS!!"

However, it had seemed to miss the Earth entirely, shooting for the Stars instead, "Except, I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, no, I'm gonna go HIGHER! IM PISSING ON THE MOON!" The cock and balls end point was directly on the center of the moon and immediately shot at it with barely any mercy! Within seconds the Moon was counted in white, slimy liquid, and vanished from the air...

"HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT OBAMA?" Zubin rhetorically asked, "I PISSED ON THE M O O N YOU IMBECILE!"

He went up to the camera, which has shown a majority of this, and put his whole face against the camera, yelling, "AND FOR THE REST OF YOU, ESPECIALLY YOU ROB, YOU HAVE TWENTY THREE HOURS BEFORE THE PISS D R O P L E T S HIT THE FUCKING EARTH!"

In a sudden fit of rage, his threw the camera down, creating a small shatter on the screen, "Now, get out of my sight before I PISS ON YOU TOO!" He warned, before unzipping his pants and the screen cuts to black.

————————

I simply sat at home, witnessing this event unravel before me. Zubin must've taken too much melatonin gummies lately. He looked and seemed higher than a kite. 8 inches of my own cock? Piss on the moon? What kind of bullshit was this-

Joe Hawley then appeared, panicking from the looks of it. He immediately slammed the door, hyperventilating and staring at me with petrified eyes, "HOLY MARVIN'S MACARONI MACHINE, ROB, ZUBIN'S GONE OFF HIS ROCKER!"

I sighed, "Joe, we'll be fine-"

Hawley slapped my face, like the cannibal he was, and shoved me outside, noticing the drops on the vanished Moon.

"Joe honey," I patted his shoulder, "I told you to leave him in the hospital."

————————

A/N: No, there will be no smut next chapter. I doubt there will be a new chapter tbh