They Always Come Back, SHE DOES NOT

i wish i knew earlier ...

"M,A,T,H,I,L,D,E, a french name maybe,i am not sure of its origins as i am uncertain about mine equally !
who gave me that name, who dared to think about bringing  me to this empty existence, yes its empty in my eyes, darkness is all what i have seen the very moment i grew up all alone in a huge scary cruel world with no shoulder to lean on and weep ... " the reading got interrupted as Jean Jacques Screamed
" SIR, she is crying ..."
I was listening to her but not looking at her , i felt afraid of her Truth , i felt afraid knowing her sufferance and not being able to comfort her.

Mathilde stopped reading and started to wipe tears off her cheeks, i walked towards her trying to cheer her up, but she insisted on not looking at me, kept her head down.

I stood stiff , i couldn't even touch her.

" Okey, you dont have to continue that, you are free to get out if you want to..." i said very quietly

"Sir, its her first time, we had never seen her in such situation " Luna teasingly added

Okey, we r done for today, See you next time. Out of the blue i declared .

In one second , literally the classroom got deserted.

Now its only me and her.

i started , why are not you looking at me? Then i gently pushed her head up by putting my fingers on her chin.
Now i can see you, i just wanted you to feel comfortable by my presence, i am here and i can help you.

I dont want you to feel bad for me, or even sorry, i dont need you sympathy , i just cried because i was ill at ease .
Does this satisfy you? Hope you are satisfied enough, Now move, let me leave.

I SAID MOVE I WANT TO GET OUT OFF THIS PLACE, i am drained .

Mathilde, listen to me, i want to help you not because i felt bad for you or anything, i just want to be closer to you and make you feel safe!

she replied , WHO SAID I WANT THIS,who are you? Dont approach me , leave me alone

It was the warmest hug i had ever sensed, in the middle of her madness and despair i held her tightly until i felt her fragile bones, i hugged her because i did not find any other way to express how i eagerly desired to heal her brokenness.

I am sorry i had to do it, i uttered as we were hugging, Mathilde stayed silent on my chest.

Do you feel any better?
She softly took her small body off mine, and walked to the exist door avoiding to face what had just happened.

I followed her, Mathilde wait, i did not mean anything by doing that, i just wanted to give you safety.

I know, and i thank you for that, Monsieur André , goodbye

See you, i said smiling .

In the garden i was just sitting , reviving that heavenly hug , where i felt aligned with all of my senses as a man but this time A MAN IN LOVE.
A man in love with a stranger , in love with the idea of finding a different woman, a woman who makes him feel himself as a divine masculine, a woman who reveals the vulnerability in her without having to fake strength, aware of the fact that a soft hearted woman can make a heart of a rigid man melt.