MASON AND SAGE

Chapter 4 ~ Sage

Wherever you are in life, you got there because of the choices you made -- either proactive choices where you're faced with multiple paths forward and have to choose one, or reactive choices, where you make a choice based on something that's been done or happened to you. My choice to leave for California was obviously a reactive one to Mason kissing Eva. Fleeing to California is not a choice I normally would have made, but due to circumstances, I'd made it. It's been two weeks now since I ran from Mason, and my life has fallen into a basic routine. Every day I get up early, go for a run, get ready for work, go to work, go home, eat dinner, think about Mason, read his texts and go to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat. Some days, I get crazy and shake up my routine with a trip to the grocery store or to Starbucks, but I try to keep those wild impulses to a minimum.

Today, though? Today, my routine is shot all to hell because of choices made. It's Saturday, and I have the day off, which unfortunately gives me a lot of time to think, think, think and possibly feel sorry for myself, but I'll never admit that out loud.

Today would have been my wedding day. Would have been. It would have been my wedding day had my fiancé not made the choice to lock lips with his ex...or maybe his current? I didn't know what to believe. There's everything Mason is saying in his texts to me that is fighting against what I saw in that alley. She didn't look so ex then. It would have been my wedding day had I made the choice to stay and accept his apology. Choices. So many choices that led to this day.

It's chilly this morning, and I ran to the beach so I could watch the waves in Monterey Bay pummel the shore. Off in the distance, a pod of dolphins play in the surf. The sight does nothing to soothe me like it usually does. All my mind is focused on is what I'd be doing right now if I was back home preparing to get married.

Why wasn't I enough, Mason? Why did you have to turn to her?

Mason began with his texts early today, his mind obviously on the same thing as mine.

Good morning, kitten. I was up all night thinking about what today would have been if I hadn't been such an unthinking, stupid asshole. There has never been anything I wanted more than to marry you. 

Then why did you kiss her, Mason? Why?

The bridal shop called a week ago, so I went and picked up your dress. I couldn't help looking at it. It's beautiful and you would have looked gorgeous in it. You don't know how badly I wish I could see you walking toward me today, wearing this dress.

The boxes holding our wedding rings are open and in my hand. All I can do is stare at them, wishing that later today we would be sliding them on each other's fingers and promising each other forever. No matter how horribly I messed up, I am promising you my forever, Sage, whether you want it or not.

I would have held you so close while we danced our first dance as a married couple, never wanting to let you go. I can't ever let you go, Sage. Please don't ask me to, because that's the one thing I won't be able to do. I'm hoping someday I will still be lucky enough to call you my wife one day.

Good luck with that, Mason.

I'm thinking about our wedding night, and how I would have slowly undone every one of the five million buttons on this dress of yours, giving you a different kind of kiss for each one. Deep, fast, slow, quick, drugging...until I'd finally gotten it off of you and it pooled onto the floor. 

I imagine you finally falling asleep right before the sun came up, and I would have held you, my beloved, precious wife, in my arms as I fell asleep, too.