So close to going over the edge

More in depth

Back in October I got diagnosed with Dysthymia or called persistent depressive disorder. The medicine has helped a little but it is just a band aid over the problems. I see a therapist but the person focuses on the anxiety disorder than the depression the therapist says I have my anxiety is under control that is why I haven't been to the therapist in a while. This is still a band aid over the problem seeing a therapist hasn't really helped. Some days I mood swing a lot from content to sad and depressed with in a minute this had me more emotionally detached and emotionally dead. Most of the time I don't really show emotion because it changes nothing about what's going on. Then a lot of stuff has become toxic some days I have to take a walk because the house get very emotionally toxic. Anymore I Find nothing relaxing or enjoyable when ever I go on break or vacation it causes me a lot of anxiety then that causes my depression to worsen. I may look happy and content but really I am stressed and depressed I just hide it that is why no body can tell that anything is wrong. Some stuff I had to quit because of the toxicity and drama especially at school and in life.
AT times I feel like I am being suffocated this feeling normally happens when I am having a panic attack at times I don't know why I am having a panic attacks. Normally starts with sudden spike in heart rate then I feel like I am being suffocated then start hyperventilating and I just freeze up I just can't stop hyperventilating these start at random I can't even predict or understand why I am having a panic attack. Nothing will calm myself down during a panic attack I just start crying. I have been told by my doctor to alert some of my friends when I am having a panic attack but I don't know how that helps sometimes when I have a panic attack I don't cry. Even when writing this I have to start taking deep breaths. SORRY IF I REPEAT STUFF IT JUST SOMETIMES HELP TO WRITE OUT WHATS GOING ON.