𝐀𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 - 𝐞. 𝐣𝐚𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐫

5

⭒𝐟𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬⭒

Oh, how badly I wanted to text him.

How badly I wanted to tell him how much I missed him, his sweet-coated lies and his obnoxious behavior.

But I simply couldn't, I couldn't.

How could I?

He wasn't mine and he probably didn't care, why would he? Why would he want to call me? 

Each day passed and my mind was left only with a few memories of his annoying attitude that made me fall so irreparably in love with him.

Fuck how much I wanted to call him.

How stupid of me to even think that he could care.

Mom and Dad wanted me back in town, they wanted me to go back to my old routine, "my old self" and all those bullshit they said.
But the thought of seeing that motherfucking ginger again made my head ache: how his eyes were piercing through me, how his hands were roaming all over my body that night.

It was haunting me, slowly burning me from the inside at such a slow, agonizing pace that I couldn't even realize it.

Therefore I let the weeks pass, doing what I could do to forget my old life.

It felt like I was living in a big lie, making friends and pretending that those were enough to fulfill my hunger.

I didn't know how much time passed, days, weeks, years perhaps?

My body was acting like a robot, my mind stuck in a dreamlike loop that made my idealized life better.
I even got a boyfriend and told him how much I loved him, how much he meant to me, how badly I liked his smile and his pretty eyes.
Truth be told I didn't love him, how was I supposed to love him as much as I loved Eren?

But I somehow needed to entertain myself in that shitty town.

I was 17 when that boy broke up with me, and yes, even though I promised myself not to cry over a boy, that time I cried and teared up at the sight of him leaving me behind.
I even pleaded that he could stay just a little longer, just a few months until I completely left my past behind my shoulders.
But eventually he dumped me after almost 2 years of relationship and I was left with a fake excuse and a few hoodies that he "forgot" at my grandma's house.

I didn't want to care about the people I met, but of course I ended up worrying about them, and maybe, just maybe, loving them a little bit too much.

But then again, I had to leave, at this point my life was a mess, old memories of my friends were starting to mix with the new ones, nightmares about Floch were still tormenting me and the picture of my old town felt so distant.

I wanted to go back.

So I tried to forget this part of my life too, blocking everyone again and losing another part of myself to a fake dream.

I was so dumb, such a coward move, right?

I needed to seal a deal with Floch.

So on my 18th birthday, I decided to go back to my town one last time.

Just one last time.

I was not gonna let him burn me from the inside, this time it was his turn to burn.