I hate you but I love you /// Alice in Boderland/// Chishiya+ Fem Reader

CHAPTER SEVEN

I was one second away from dying.

Again.

That thought kept replying in my head.

I felt nauseous, clearly having a small panic attack.

I looked up to see the blonde guy leaning on the door frame right next to me.

Not wanting him to see me in this vulnerable state, I covered my face with my palms.

Gosh I'm so pathetic, why do I care so much about this strangers opinion? I'm probably never going to see him again so why not have a mental breakdown right in front of him.

And just as I thought that he spoke up.

„ You should really stop caring so much " he said as he walked by me on his way to the exit.

I looked after him, his comment making me forget about all the other thoughts in my mind.

The tears stopped falling from my eyes as I realized he was probably right.

How did he always affect me so much even by doing so little.

I took a few deep breathes as an attempt to calm myself, while getting up from the ground and brushing off the dirt that was now stuck to my clothing.

I need to stop caring for people except for myself. Otherwise you won't make it in this world.

„ Hey are you alright?" Arisu asked with a disturbed expression on his face as if he wasn't really here mentally.

He was probably also replaying the traumatizing images in his head.

„ Yeah it's just all a little much" and it really was and what made me even more frustrated was that it wouldn't get easier.

He nodded before leaving to search for Karube.

I said goodbye to him, even tho I didn't really want to leave them I knew I had to.

I'm better off alone.

I've been alone my whole life so why should I change that now.

I put my headphones back on and made my way back to my apartment.

I couldn't stop thinking about the blonde and what affect he had one me.

And as much as I wanted to hate his " I don't care about anyone but myself" attitude, it did radiate a lot of confidence which was literally the most attractive trait a person can have.

And I'm trying to get that mindset for myself as well so I can't really judge him.

His way in general was something I've never seen in a person, I just couldn't get my mind off him.

Who was he ?

I shook my head to get all the thoughts out of my mind Focusing back on my music to distract from him.

It was raining a little bit but it didn't bother me it actually made me feel a bit of comfort.

But it did get really cold after some time and I didn't want to get sick so I started running.

Finally I entered my cozy apartment, Turned on the heating  and collapsed on the sofa right after.

This amount of stress on a constant bases was really exhausting.

With zero energy left in my body I didn't feel like getting ready for bed instead I just fell asleep in the exact position that I was laying in.

I woke up with the sunlight hitting my face.

I got up with a little headache and back pain from the uncomfortable position I fell asleep in.