I care about you

IV

Cate

I wake up all sweaty. Yesterdays event won't leave my head. I wanna go and check upon Phoebe. She told me her name with such a lovely voice. It was pure and so full of passion that I would have never imagined her being so deeply sad if I would have met her on an usual occasion. This makes me think about how you can never know what a human is going through, even if they seem all happy and make stupid jokes. I decide to get out of bed and let the sun kiss the room and ban all this sadness away by opening the curtains. The wooden cabinet lights up. It looks like a fairies bedroom.Green walls and an old, dark wooden chair as well as the massive closed give the bedroom such a vibe. It's hard to describe when you haven't seen it yourself, because it's beauty is too hard to put in words. The little plants, which decorate the whole place, seem to wake up and smile towards the sun. Birds are singing and for just a moment I am dreaming about heaven, about what pure happiness must feel like. But who is truely happy? Phoebe isn't. I will get something to eat and buy some food, so I finally have something in my refrigerator.When going there,I decide, I will visit her. I just need to check up on her. I don't know why, maybe it's because I am a mom, but she means something to me I can't quite describe. Then her sisters voice echos in my head and what she said gives me a shiver. 
God. She was so rude and disrespectful.
I do as I planned and find myself in the city, wandering thorough the Sunday market. All sorts of vegetables embellish the already beautiful weekend morning. A smell of childhood runs through my nose. I buy some salad and head off to the fruits.
Just when I want to grab a bunch of strawberries, another hand reaches out to them too. Beautiful rings decorate the tender fingers. I look up, being blended by the sun, excusing myself. The stranger says sorry too, when her face finally gets uncovered and shadow let's me see her features. The hand I had just met with mine, belongs to no one else than Quinn, Phoebes sister. There is an awkward second of silence when I tell her that I will come over later. Her face tightens when she hears it, but then she nods and heads off again. I can't really read her expressions, but I for sure can tell she doesn't like me at all, just based on what she had said the evening before. I decide I don't like her either out of same reasons. Around 30mins later I leave the scene and head towards a small road, leading directly to the girls house. The further I walk, the dirtier and shabbier the buildings get. Stray cats are walking around, eating trash and the sun is being covered by large trees. It's kinda depressing . I walk up a hill and reach the last house the road has to offer. It kinda looks lonely, but it also is in a better shape than the rest of the households. Maybe thats why it seems so wrong standing there on it's place. "Miller", I read on the mailbox. I ring the doorbell and soon heavy steps occur behind the door. Phoebe opens up and a bright smile adorns her face. Cute.

"Hello darling, how are you today?", I smile back.

"I- I am good. Thank- thank you Cate", she stutters.

"Well, that's very good to hear love"

"Yeah. How are you? Oh! Come- come in!"

"I am pretty alright too, thank you!"

We take place in the kitchen and she offers me a coffee. I use the time she looks for something in a drawer, to inspect the inside of the building closer.
There are small holes in the walls and pictures hung up almost everywhere. I recognise Quinn, standing on a surfboard, smiling. She looks peaceful. On another I spot all three of the women I had met yesterday standing together arm in arm. There are plenty of such pictures, some showing just Phoebe or Quinn, some of the whole family and a few just focused on Ms Miller. Not a single one shows any sign of the girls dad nor any male/female partner Ms Miller could have. Just when I want to let my eyes wander to other parts of the kitchen, I notice another picture of Quinn. She is leaning on an old, blue BMW, some of her teeth are missing. It must be a very old picture, she looks like a first to second grader. But the most interesting thing about it is, that next to her stands another person, who is cut off by the frame and his face is clearly drawn over with a black marker. Is that their father? I don't know why I am bold enough to ask and maybe it's just to break the silence, but I look over to Phoebe and point out the male who was cut out of the picture. She turns around, her smile is gone now, a cold expression drawn onto her. When her eyes find the frame I am talking about, she just walks over and throws it out of the window. I haven't seen her like that before, not even after what had happened yesterday. Should've kept your mouth shut Cate. Then she turns back to me and says : "Er..I am sorry, I know thats rather aggressive what you just witnessed- It's er- It's the man whose sperm Quinn and I are made of." I am ashamed; that's clearly an event with a backstory, and feel bad about asking.
" I am sorry.", I bring out while looking at Phoebe.
"Oh well- you should be sorry for Quinn more than  
   you are for me.", Phoebes eyes wander to the entrance of the room. Quinn glances at her. When did she even get there. She moves like a mouse for gods sake.
"What are you telling her about?!", again that harsh tone, "You better watch out what you spill!", she turns around and stomps away. I want to say something, but Phoebe stops me. She gives me a little journal and changes the topic quickly. It's cover is completely pink and little cats are drawn on it, sleeping, eating or cleaning themselves. A headband holds it shut. She explains to me that she is a huge fan and how she would write all those letters to me, but never actually planned to send them. Every time she was upset or confused about something, she addressed  her issues to me, her idol. I am almost crying when she adds: "Now- as you literally are HERE", she gasps for air, "I decided to let you read them. If you want to I mean!!", Phoebe is now almost screaming and I give her a warm smile to calm her down. "I would love to."
Then she continues talking while looking at the ground.
"I don't want you to play my therapist of course, I just thought maybe you could understand what you saw and finally let it rest. You didn't come here to worry about a stupid teenager and I am seeing it bothers you, I mean you wouldn't be here if it  didn't, clearly, because why would you, Cate fucking Blanchett, want to be here.", she takes a big breath, "As much as I adore you, but please enjoy your holidays, I don't want you to spend it thinking about me, I don't know if you are tho-", my own voice fills the room now "Oh my dear, this is not bothering me! I care about you. You matter and what happened shouldn't be just put aside just because I am on vocation! But if you want to let it rest, I will of course do so." My heart shatters a little bit. I feel helpless and kinda like I am giving up on something, maybe even like I am ignoring something important.
But I guess I will need to listen to her. I can't just occupy Phoebes house and try to cure her, I know that. I do. The journal is safely fittet into my pocket when I thank her for the coffee and give her some chocolate I bought earlier as a gift. She looks at it with big eyes and a tear now escapes her eye. "Can I- uhm-", I lean in for a hug and feel her let out some air in relief. I pat her shoulder and say goodbye. Stepping out of the doorway I turn around to take a last look at Phoebe and her house.
Is that it now? Am I never going to see her? I just hope it will turn out good. I am sure it will.

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Hmmm what could only happen now 🫦
- ur mika ;)