I'll be writing at the top of the chapter from now on, just to warn people about the upcoming chapter. :)
TW-
*Self harm (bl@des)
*Depression
*Miscarriage (talking about)
Emma's pov:
I woke up to Stefan shaking me gently, "Are we here?" He nodded, I unlocked the door and followed him inside our apartment. I found the key on my key chain and opened the door. "I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be out in a sec." I said, walking over to it.
"I'll come and check on you in 5." Stefan replied. I rolled my eyes, he was so goddamn overprotective.
I walked into the bathroom, and brushed my teeth. I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was frizzy and my eyes had large dark-circles underneath them- even though I had slept more than usual. I was a mess.
After I rinsed my mouth out, I opened the cabinet door to find some mouth wash. That's when it caught my eyes, my blade. I couldn't, surely. I can't let anyone else down. I was clean for so fucking long, I can't give up now. You already did Em. Fuck you voices in my head. Just do it, it's just a scratch. I paused. Just one singular scratch.
That's when I gave in, I grabbed it. I drew on myself, as the sliver painted red marks that smudged across my skin, I cried, silently. Knowing that I gave in to the fucking voices that talked to me in my subconscious.
I heard a knock, damn it. It was Stef, "Em, Scott's here." He called.
"Ok, I'll be out in a min." I shouted back. I stopped, I threw the 'paint brush' (blade) back into the cupboard and attempted to clean up my 'art'. I grabbed a handful of tissue paper and covered my wrist. (Where most of the damage was).
About 3 minutes after, I walked out as if nothing had happened. A fake smile across my face, my hair fixed into a ponytail, my sleeved pulled down by my hands. I sat next to Scott, he hugged my straight away. "You shouldn't have come you know." He said, pulling away. I nodded, "I just wanted to help my little brother." He smiled.
I looked over to Stefan, I disappointed look on his face, he looked at Scott, then back at me, "Scott, excuse us for a second." He walked out of the main room and into our bedroom. I followed shortly after him. He locked the door and sat on the bed, his head in his hands. Refusing to make eye-contact, I stood pressed against the wall.
"You promised me you'd stopped." He said sternly.
"I don't know what you're talking about Stef." I lied again, I knew damn well what he was talking about.
He walked over to me and pushed me further to the wall, "Don't give me that bullshit, Em. We're getting married, we're supposed to be honest with each other!" He yelled into my face, making me flinch, he realised and backed away, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
I stared blankly at him.
"Em?" He questioned, looking at me as I stared off into the distance.
"I-.... Stef?" I slurred, my vision blurring and my head spinning.
"Fuck Em." He caught me before I hit the floor. "Why aren't you healing?"
I felt my eyes shut, I felt my fiancé trying to feed me blood- but it didn't work.
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I felt my eyes shot open. Scott, Stefan and Klaus were sitting around me. I smiled, "You came back?" I asked Klaus, he nodded- a stern look placed on his face. I realised that my head was on Stefan's lap and he fed me blood, as I felt it trickling down my chin. I wiped it away and tried to sit up, but I felt extremely dizzy. I held my head in my hands. "Shit." I whispered under my breath. I heard Stefan sigh, "You've gotta stop Em." He spoke softly, playing with my hair.
I really didn't want to have this conversation right now. So I walked off to the kitchen with all of the strength I had left.
Klaus appeared in front of me as I poured a cup of coffee, "What?" He scoffed, and crossed his arms.
"Do you really expect us to trust you to be alone after that stunt you pulled?" He whisper-shouted.
I rolled my eyes and downed the drink. I tried to walk towards the front door but all three men blocked my way. "Move." I stated bluntly.
"No, Em. Where are you going to go?" Scott looked scared and nervous about letting me go.
"I am going to get my cousin back." I pushed past them and opened the door- just to be grabbed by Klaus, "Get off me!" I cried.
"No, you're not in the right state of mind to look after a child!" Klaus shouted back at me, making me shut up and look at him with an emotionless expression on my face.
"Klaus." I started, "Go to hell."
I felt tears brimming in my eyes, threatening to spill out. "Would you have said that if I was still pregnant?" I questioned him.
"You wouldn't be in this state if you still were." He told me.
I immediately fired back at him, "I know it's my fucking fault, ok!? I don't need reminding of how my life is falling apart, so please let me just see my mother!" I argued back at him, I turned around and ran into my fiancé's arms as he embraced me into a warm, comforting hug. "I'm sorry, I'm... so so sorry." I cried into his shoulder.
"It's ok Emma, I promise." He started, "We'll go see Melissa after you've calmed down."
I glanced at Scott, I felt so sorry for him. He had to look after his 'dead' sister who was loosing the world to live after loosing her child. God, why can't anything just be simple. I've fucked everyone's lives up again. Gods sake.
After about an hour, we left to visit and confront Melissa. Well, Scott and I did. We didn't feel that it would be right for everyone else to be there. But Klaus and Stef needed to discuss stuff that was happening in Mystic Falls. I couldn't drive since my car ran out of gas and Scott didn't know if Scott had a license yet or not, so we called our last result.
Stiles.
The kid that did my absolute head in, this guy was the most sarcastic person you'd ever meet. And yet he was my brothers best friend. "Hey dude, can you come pick me up?" Scott asked Stiles through the phone. He gave Stiles our address and within about 4 minutes he had arrived.
He pulled his keep up beside us and we got in, me in the back and 'The Trio' in the front. "It's sill weird to know that you're still alive Em." Stiles said, glancing between me and the road.
"Stiles, please for the love of god. Keep your eyes on the road, the last thing I want to happen today is for you to crash." I said.
"Aww, you care about me." He stated sarcastically, both me and Scott rolled our eyes.
As we pulled up to Melissa's house, Scott and I got out of the car, thanked Stiles and watched him drive off. "You ready for this?" Scott asked me, I took a deep breath and nodded.
My brother walked in front of me and unlocked the front door.
"Mum!" He shouted, entering thee house.
"I'm upstairs with Roman!" She shouted back.
I felt my anxiety begin to build up, Scott probably smelt it on my and rubbed my back slowly. I silently thanked him as I took my shoes off.
"I have something to tell you." He stated as we walked carefully up the stairs.
"Ok, hold on." She saw Scott in the doorway, I just leant against the wall (hiding), "Oh, you're there." Her voice showed that she smiled.
"So, do you remember when Derek came over here?"
"Unfortunately." Her voice dimmed.
"Well," Scott grabbed my arm and made me stand behind him, "He was right."
Scott moved away, allowing Melissa to see me. I saw her whole face drop, I shut my eyes- terrified of what her reaction would be. But as I felt arms wrap around me and squeeze me, I knew that there was no negative energy in the air anymore. I hugged her back and opened my eyes, "I love you Mum." I said, she pulled away, shocked.
"You called me mum?!" She exclaimed, I nodded, "I love you too, so so much Emma." I engulfed her into another hug. I didn't want to let go, I could stay in her comforting embrace for the rest of my life, but as I felt an arm wrap around my leg, I let go and smiled. "Hey mate." I picked Roman up and swung him around the room, he laughed and giggled as I did so. "I missed you." I said, holding him on my hip.
"I missed you more mama." I kissed his forehead and he relaxed in my arms, "Can you read me a book?" He asked, as I sat next to him on his inflatable bed.
"Of course, Roman." I picked up a book from a pile and snuggled up next to him, "Once upon a time..." I started.
Watching my families reaction to me being back made me think, what would I have gained from killing myself. All I would've done would have been broken them. And for what? They are the reasons that I'm here now, they are the reasons I. Never. Stopped. Fighting.
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I'm sorry if you are or have felt anything like Emma has, I'm always here to talk if you need.
Suicide helplines if you ever need them:
UK: 08457-90-90-0 (Childline for children and teens is: 0800-1111)
USA: 1-800-273
Australia: 1-800-198-313
New Zealand: 4-47-9739
France: 01-45-39-4000
Argentina: 23-930-430
Austria: 01-713-3374
Cyprus: 0-777-267
Canada: 1-833-456-4566
Denmark: 70-201-201
Germany: 0800-1110-111
Ireland: 06-7045-4444
Spain: 91-459-00-50
Sweden: 031-711-2400
Please tell someone you trust, you guys are amazing <3
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