Flowers of Us

Yearning

Xingqiu loves Chongyun.

If a flower bloomed for every passing moment that he had loved him, he would've already had himself a sea of flowers.

Each petal inscribed with reasons as to why he had fallen for this man.

Every stem standing firm and structured with fond memories of them together.

Long had he envisaged the moment where he had finally mustered up the courage to profess his enamoration for his friend.

A vision where he had finally come clean about his feelings, the thoughts that kept him awake until dawn, the millions of words that he had been dying to say to him.

Unfortunately,

He's aware that, that's all it will ever be.

An audacious, shameless fantasy of him and the person he loves.

For the sake of their friendship and his dignity,

He will keep his heart shut.

And pray to the gods that this silly little feelings of his will subside as time goes on.

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By the creek they sat on the rocks, feet submerged in the rippling water of the stream.

The morning sun had just begun to peer over the horizon.

The two had decided to set out on their expedition on an earlier time, out of Xingqiu's consideration that Chongyun's condition might get aggravated due to the heat of the approaching days of summer.

And the purpose of this expedition was unknown to Chongyun- not that he even bothered to inquire.

Xingqiu simply asked if he wanted to come along with him- and like always, he answered yes. Like he always does. Following him wherever and whenever without much thought, might it be for the better or for the worse.

Actually, calling it an expedition is an overstatement, there was no goal or motive here, Chongyun knew they were just hanging out. To have fun, like friends do.

Perhaps it was because he didn't want to feel like he's slacking off on his trainings hence he calls it an 'expedition', but in a way, can't this also be considered a part of his training? He had recently come to the realization that there was another reason for the redness of his cheeks and irregular heartbeats- no it wasn't because of the temperature, it was because of his best friend, Xingqiu.

He remembers the first time he felt that way.

It was at Wanmin Restaurant, Xingqiu had once again managed to persuade him into eating a meal that's mixed with jueyun chilis as an exercise to better his spice tolerance, thanks to his eloquent manner of speaking, Chongyun fell for it. Again.

He doesn't remember much whenever he goes into his yang state, but he sure remembers the how Xingqiu looked that day.

He couldn't help but think that his friend was pretty. He wondered to himself, why had he never noticed how lovely Xingqiu's face was? Maybe it was a question only the Gods could answer, for only a God could be on par with the tremendous beauty Xingqiu possesses.

In that moment, his heart flutters.

He knew that it wasn't from the jueyun chilis.

And now, he finds himself inadvertently gazing at Xingqiu's bewitching face.

The purling water of the creek seemed to have drifted off into the distant lands, taken over by the rapid thumping in his chest that grew even louder.

He felt like exploding due to their proximity right then and there.

"I wanna hold you in my arms."

"I wished you'd put as much attention to me as you do to your books."

Chongyun, of course, kept those thoughts to himself.

In no reality or imagination would he ever dare dream of admitting that to Xingqiu.

It was a petty, selfish wish of his. But he still hoped that a day would come where he wouldn't need to compete with a book to win Xingqiu's attention.

For now, he'll need to learn how to subdue his greedy desires to long for something he knows he can't have.

And to be content with just being...

Friends.