The Waning (GojoHime) - Part 2

Inevitable

The screen of her phone lit up with an incoming message, an unbidden source of light cutting through the dark cocoon of her frosty bedroom. Utahime turned away and pulled a pillow over her head so she would not have to see, hear, or know anything.

She felt broken. Her trust in the world: shattered beyond repair. Her pathetic powerlessness: debilitating. If she could, she'd whither away in the darkness of her room until nothing of her remained.

"Are you alright, Utahime Senpai?"

No, I'm not. You know I'm not.

"Yes, thank you, Nanami. And you?"

"I'm so glad to hear it. I'm fine, Senpai."

No, you are not. We all are not.

Family, friends, colleagues, everybody had called, frantic with worry for each other's wellbeing at first, then increasingly calmer when word got around that there were very few casualties on their side despite the shocking destruction of the Tokyo school grounds. Shoko had sent Utahime photos of the damage accompanied by a whole line of bawling emojis this morning, too exhausted to talk after caring for the wounded all night.

Utahime herself had a few bruises, scrapes, and a sore head that buzzed when she moved. A light curse had slammed into her, toppling her over. That was it. The curses who had come her way had all been harmless. Even her students had seen more action. It felt like a cosmic joke to her, being that useless while others had fought until their hands bled.

All day, Utahime had racked her brain for the right words with which to comfort Shoko. The result: "There was nothing we could have done."

Was this hackneyed phrase the only thing she had to offer her heartbroken friend? It was such an obvious lie, there were plenty of things they could have done. She, as a senior student, should have intervened the very first time Shoko had mentioned that Geto was acting strangely. She should have followed her gut, which signaled its discomfort loud and clear after every chance encounter with Geto on the school grounds. She should have gotten Yaga involved, all the Elders if necessary, she should have raised hell until they did something. They would have told Gojo. No, she herself should have told him to take care of his best friend who was spiraling into darkness. She had hated everything about him back then, but he would have listened to her, she was certain of it, with that goofy, expectant grin he wore when he looked at her, just waiting for his chance to rile her.

Instead, she had looked the other way, focused on making Kyoto her adult home, feeling superior to those kids and their troubles, relieved to get away from the discomfort both young men gave her, for different reasons.

"And the others?"

"Everybody is alive," Nanami had answered politely.

I'm asking about Gojo, don't you understand? Of course he's alive, but how is he?

Everyone had called but not a single person had mentioned Gojo Satoru, not one. That was the Jujutsu Society for you: Too desperate to declare the crisis was over and too eager to move on and pretend things had not changed when in truth, nothing would ever be the same.

Was she any different from the rest of them though? Utahime removed the pillow from her head and kicked down the blanket, staring into the darkness. She had pondered calling him several times from the safe space of her apartment but she had not been able to muster the courage. If she couldn't find the right words to comfort Shoko, what could she possibly offer to him? Just the platitude that there was nothing he could have done? Well, that too was a lie, even if she might wish it wasn't.