The Waning (GojoHime) - Part 2

Lost & Found

"What happened?"

"You fainted," Shoko removed her fingers from Utahime's pulse and looked up, the fine lines around her eyes more pronounced than usual. "You scared the shit out of him. And out of me. He made it sound like you were dying."

Shoko was in her pajamas, wearing a gown that looked like it belonged to a dignified old lady, with hair that was in need of a good brushing. It was early in the morning. January 2nd? Panic began to bubble within Utahime because she wasn't sure, prompting her to steal a quick glance at her phone to confirm the date. She needed to get a grip. Fast.

"No, I mean... what happened," Utahime pressed, her voice a little shaky. The sight of Shoko in such a disheveled state raised alarm bells in her mind. If Shoko had been roused from her bed in such a manner, it meant that something serious had occurred. Utahime couldn't shake the feeling that she had unwittingly caused a significant problem, one that she had yet to fully comprehend.

"Ah," Shoko sighed, her expression somber. "I'm very sorry, Uta. It seems you were pregnant. You no longer are. You had a miscarriage."

"Yes, but that can't be," Utahime insisted, straightening her back and adjusting the fabric of her borrowed nightgown. Her dangling feet looked small, ridiculously white, and far away. She refused to accept what made no sense to her. She had only just made a promise to Michizane regarding a future child, and now she was being told she had lost one? It didn't add up. Glancing at her phone again, she confirmed the date once more: 2nd January 2018. She had fainted around mid-day. She had only lost around 20 hours. Then why did it feel like months, years had passed in her absence?

"You don't need to tell me anything," Shoko reassured her, pressing Utahime's hand. "It's okay."

"There is nothing to tell!" Utahime exclaimed, pulling her hand back in frustration. "I haven't had any sex with anybody for months! I mean... well..." She felt herself blush. Good job, really. She already doesn't believe you. "Yeah, so... Gojo came by that night and..."

"It's okay," Shoko repeated but Utahime saw that she wasn't. 'That night' wasn't just any night.

"No," now it was Utahime's turn to take her friend's hand. "No, nothing is okay. He came to see me after he... he..."

"...killed Geto," Shoko swallowed heavily. "No problem, you can say it. I know what happened and not saying it doesn't change a thing. Geto is dead. He won't come back."

"I'm so sorry," Utahime leaned forward to sling her arms around her friend's shoulders. She wished they could have talked before. She was the older sister in this relationship, she wished she had been stronger, able to support Shoko in her heartbreak instead of being consumed by her own selfish issues.

"No need to be sorry," Shoko whispered against her shoulder. "It's nobody's fault but Suguru's. What a stupid idiot. He threw his life away the moment he began to kill innocent people. I was there, looking at their corpses. I have no regrets and hold no grudge against any of the living."

Is it that easy? Utahime asked herself. Maybe it was. The actions of a murderer could not be excused by circumstances. No matter how tragic his life might have been, it didn't justify the lives he took or the choices he made.

"It's okay to grieve for him though," Utahime whispered back, hugging her friend more forcefully.

She could only imagine what Shoko felt. Utahime knew that she had loved Geto, in her own, quiet way. The thing between them was a thing that could not be, for a plethora of reasons that Shoko had once explained to Utahime when they had both been deplorably drunk. The one thing Utahime remembered was how torn Shoko had been between her budding feelings and the knowledge that Gojo would be lost without Geto. Shoko, being the friend Shoko was, had understood that any change in the trio's dynamic would have calamitous consequences. And so she hadn't acted. With calamitous consequences.