Little Nostalgia: My Memory Gallery

Exhibit 2: The Bully and The Crush

When I was in 8th grade, our seating arrangements were such that opposite genders were made to sit in an alternate manner to stop the students from talking in class.

A girl in between two boys. A boy in between two girls. So on.

That's how I was made to sit between two boys and this other girl who I had seen around the school for years growing up but hardly ever talked to. She was taller and bigger than me. And she was louder (anyone in my comparison was loud generally) and bolder than me.

Basically, a little intimidating for the sheep that I was back then.

We ended up sharing classes for two consecutive years. For the first year, she would sometimes make fun of me and have a good laugh with the other two boys. I felt bad but didn't have much to say in return, I was too hesitant of raising my voice for questions, let alone be snarky with a (what I didn't understand then) bully.

I always felt a little suffocated sitting in between too - in between two boys no less - so I'd often ask to sit in the corner where she sat but would get turned down. She would also sometimes tease me by asking if I wanted to sit on her side only to refuse it when I'd say yes.

Next year, it continued in other ways.

Yet, out of all the times that she had teased me for no reason, there's one time that sticks out to me the most.

One day, during class, she randomly took my pen pouch from me and wouldn't return it even when I asked. I think she was going through the amount of stuff I carried, but then I said something and she finally returned it. Only to then push it off the desk deliberately. Everything inside it spilled all over the floor.

The teacher had left us alone for five minutes and put another student up as a monitor (who also happened to be my crush at the time). His job was to simply write down names of students making noise or talking while she was gone.

But when I got off my seat to gather my stuff, my name ended up being written on the board. I remember trying to sign him a "why me?" and him returning a very cocky expression (at least in my head it looked like so - he was known for being pretty arrogant anyway), as if to say 'because you deserve it'. Then the teacher returned and called those names all outside.

Despite being a little meek at the time, I still decided to put my case forth in front of the teacher in a rare moment of daring and tell her what happened.

Except when she put us up in a line to punish us outside, she wasn't in the mood to talk. She started gifting us all with a slap to the cheek instead.

As everyone inside the class (and probably in other classes) watched.

It was embarassing. It was unfair. It was downright unjustified. To think that I didn't have even the smallest part to play in this whole scenario, not the tiniest bit of fault that I could later regret over and at least pin it all on as my own mistake.

By the time she finally made her way over to me after having slapped at least three other students, I wasn't exactly feeling very brave about making my case anymore.

When she looked at me, she asked me why I was causing troubles in class. Which I took as a genuine question, as an opportunity to answer and to set the wrongs that were happening to me into rights. However, the second I opened my mouth and tried to speak, the only part of my "case" that ever actually left my mouth was "ma'am-" before her hand made a very sharp contact with my cheek and left me completely stunned. It stung for a very good while too.

I don't think I had been slapped like that in a long while, specially in school. I was the good student and you hardly could've expected me to be the cause of mischief or chaos in school. And most of the teachers and even my classmates knew. So being punished like that had rarely ever happened to me before. And for talking in class of all things.

I honestly don't know why either of them did that to me.

It was obvious to anyone looking that it was that girl's fault, I only wanted to get my stuff off of the floor. She even pushed my stuff down again when I had picked half of it up. So why did the one guy who was probably paying the most attention in his role as the monitor put my name up for being the nuisance?

And what did this girl achieve by messing with me like that? Was it that fun? I can't help but wonder.

Though I don't think I'll ever be able to understand either of them in that moment. What made them do what they did, why they did it or if it was possible, would they take it back and make different choices...I can only wonder. Because in the end, I was never the one causing these things to happen. It's the choices they made.

And I guess that's how things are in life sometimes. Sometimes you end up taking the burn of choices that were made by someone else. By no fault of your own.

That crush of mine switched schools later. I think he always knew I had a crush on him, even though we rarely ever talked in all of two years that I knew him. Which makes it even more embarrassing to think that he got me slapped like that, knowing it wasn't my fault and he could've very easily prevented it.

Eventually, that girl and I also went our separate ways and rather cordially. At least I didn't hold any grudges against her (though I don't forget) and she wasn't going to apologise for it anyway so I moved past it. For my own good.

I don't know where either of them are today. But I hope they're nicer to people around them and making better choices.