Where is She

Chapter 4: Secrets

RAMEE POV

I should be happy I have my own space again, but..I'm not. I miss seeing her heels by the door, the corsets taking up more than half my closet, her shampoo on the bathroom shelf...without her, the whole place feels empty again.

I still remember the look in her eyes when she left and took everything with her. She hasn't talked to me since, at least not directly. I hear about what she's up to from the gang - from Ray, from Randy, Curtis, Taco, even Jaylen, but never directly. And even then, they don't know much. It seems like she didn't just distance herself from me, but from everyone in the gang. I know our friends know something is up, but no one has said anything to me directly yet. I don't know how I should feel about that, but I'm more worried about how she's doing. I'm giving her space because that's what she wants. I don't want to hurt her anymore.

When Ricardo asked if I wanted to help plan April's party, I figured he didn't know about her moving out. Otherwise, he'd know she wouldn't want me to do anything for this party. So I took the chance. I told Ricardo, I'd pay for whatever she wanted, no matter what it was. She wants a yacht? I'll make it happen. She wants everyone in the city to come? We'll get invites created and sent out. She wants a stage and artists performing? We'll get Wu Chang on it. It didn't matter, as long as she said she wanted it - she was going to get it. Even if it took calling in some favors.

The only condition I had for Ricardo was to not tell her he was getting help from me. I didn't want her to balk at the idea of her party just because I was part of it somehow. This party was just the latest of another attempt at getting her to talk to me, since nothing else has worked.

And now, she's gone. We can't find her. There aren't any clues and no one knows if anything was happening because she's been distant from everyone including her friends.

And it's all my fault. 

~~~~~

"Hey Ramee!" Curtis says, shaking my shoulder.

"Huh? What? Sorry, did you say something, Curtis?" I ask, a bit startled. I didn't realize I was zoning out while everyone was getting into their cars getting ready to roll out and search.

"You mind if I ride with you?" asked Curtis.

"Nah, hop in," I say starting up the AMG.

"Cool! So how's it going, man? You looked a bit out of it earlier?"

"Nothing, nothing. Just trying to think of where she could be, you know."

"Okay okay, well I just want to say you can talk to me," Curtis chuckles a bit. "I won't say anything to anyone."

"I know, I know, just nothing much to say right now," I say back. Please, he's a pot stirrer just like Taco, as if I believe him. "I'm just a bit worried you know? Not knowing who has her or why has me a little on edge."

"Yeah, that's understandable, man. I'd be the same way if Penny was missing like this."

"Yeah, of course. But you and Penny are together, April and I aren't so it's not a big deal...it's just because she's a gang member."

"Yeah, yeah sure, roight. No, totally. Not the same."

"I actually have something I wanted to talk to you about, away from everyone else," Curtis says breaking the silence filled by the radio.

"Yeah sure, what's up?"

"So I don't know what happened between you and April, no stop I don't need to know unless you want to talk about it," Curtis says when I start to open my mouth to interrupt. "But I thought you'd want to know what she's been up to, at least as far as I was knowing about."

"Okay.."

"Um, yeah so I don't know how to say this, but..."

"Just spit it out, Curtis, come on," I say impatiently. I have a feeling I'm not going to like this.

"She hasn't been in a great...spot..."

"What do you mean not in a great spot? Like where she moved to? Didn't she just move back to the Apartments?"

"So yeah, kinda, but also no...? She's been hanging around the South Side a lot..." Curtis trails off.

"WHAT? The South Side? What's she doing down there? CURTIS?!"

"What, bro, I'm sorry. I can't just stop her, free will and all."

"Why is she even going down there?" I ask. "Wait, how do you know she's been going down there?"

"Nah nah, wait. Tell me everything that happened. I know you Curtis, I know you're holding something back. Spit it out, man.

"Okay, okay - just stay calm. Alright?" Curtis says. "So like I said, I don't know what happened between you two. She didn't tell me anything, but neither did you, so I'm unaware. Which by the way, I still don't know why she moved out of the cubby, but that's besides the point, ok. Anyways, yeah she moved out and then she called me asking for drugs saying she was going to a party or something. Which you know me, I'm not gonna stop anyone from having fun when it seems alright and at that time it seemed alright. Right?" He looks at me, but I just know I'm not going to like this so I don't even try to respond.

Curtis continues, "She asked for drugs, I hooked her up thinking it was for the concert or something is what she said. That it'd only be one time. But then she asked again, and again...and again. I mean it's pretty dumb of me, but I didn't clue in that anything was wrong until like the third time she asked because you know April, she usually only does that stuff at parties or concerts."

"Well anyways, it starts to get a bit out of hand I felt like, so I tried to talk to her. I didn't push or anything just asked what was wrong since she hadn't been around and hadn't said much. But she exploded. Like literally, I've never had April get that mad at me. She was saying all sorts of shit calling me an op, saying I'm just one of the boys, that I don't got her back, all of it."

"Mmm..go on."

"Right well, yeah obviously I got upset too and started saying some shit back, but I mean I knew obviously something is bothering her because we hadn't had problems before. At least not that I know of. So I slowed her down a bit and asked again what was wrong, and she started saying something about how you didn't want her around anymore, that no one did and that she was just a waste."

"I didn't say that!"

"I know, man. I'm just telling you what she told me. I know you wouldn't say that about her...right?"

"Hell naah, I wouldn't say that about her. No one in the gang would, Curtis. I don't know where that came from. But she moved out because she said she heard me talking to the boys about wanting her to move out so I can 'finally be free' but she completely misunderstood that conversation."

"Wait, yeah I remember that, weren't you just saying that you didn't want her to leave? That was why you hadn't said anything?"

"Yeah, of course I didn't want her to leave. Why would I? It was Taco and the boys that kept pushing so I started to say some shit like 'Oh yeahhh, I can't wait for her to leave so I can do whatever I want" but I was just playing, it's called sarcasm, you know? I didn't actually mean it, but she heard it and just took it out of context..." I pause a bit there. "She was really upset the day she left, Curtis, not gonna lie. And she like really left, she packed her stuff and just walked out. I couldn't convince her to stay. I've tried to talk to her, but I didn't want to pressure her or anything because she was really upset, like really upset. I don't know what to do now, bro."

"I mean, obviously she was upset, but based on what you said she heard...she was probably hurt too. And that's a lot harder to get over, man," Curtis says. "That gets into the trust zone, and Penny always tells me that trust is easy to break but hard to get back, so I don't really know what to do here. You know April, probably better than me or any of us, so you probably have the best chance at patching whatever you fucked up with her."

"I don't know if I do, bro. I don't know if that's true anymore. I don't know if this is fixable...she's never been this upset before."