Life Swap

Sunday Breakfast

It was still dark when I woke up, with a start, still Olivia, still tired and still fighting to control my emotions. Reality crowded back in on me, as Felicity snored quietly beside me. Kelly was used to sleepovers, like most girls. I used to stay with Gemma quite a lot, but we had not shared a bed even though we had been best friends since primary school. Not that I would have minded doing so, to be honest, but she had a pull-out mattress under her bed, and I slept there. I let my mind wander, taking deep breaths in an effort to calm myself down, and found myself thinking about whether Gemma had noticed anything different about Kelly. Caroline, Felicity and the twins had clearly noticed differences in my version of Olivia, mainly because I was much nicer to them than the original had ever been, by all accounts. And I wondered how Olivia was coping with Kelly's much more independent life. I was beginning to understand that Olivia Montague and Kelly Hughes lived in really different worlds, and I could not see her liking my life. She would simply not know what to do. I did not see how she could ever be me.

"Are you okay?" Felicity murmured; her mouth close to my ear on the pillow.

"Not really." I admitted, rather relieved that I did not need to hide the truth from her. I had been lying there for what seemed like hours, worrying. "Still tired and shaky...I keep thinking about Olivia pretending to be me...living my life, with my mum...she won't be able to do half of the things I had to do all the time..."

"Like what?" Felicity breathed, making sure that the twins could not possibly hear her, just in case they were awake. She shifted under the duvet, turning to face me, and put her arm over me, which felt nice. Despite what the twins had said, I was not a particularly cuddly person. I hugged my mum, and Gemma, but not all the time. But I was suffering and human contact did seem to reassure me.

"Well...for instance...Mum almost always works Saturday nights...and Martin will be out with his friends, probably staying over with his parents, so she will have been on her own since six o'clock yesterday. She'll have to have cooked her own tea...and get breakfast this morning as well...all on her own...I can't see her managing that...can you?"

"Wow...that would be a bit scary...I don't think I'd like being in a strange house on my own all night?" Felicity exclaimed, seriously thinking about it, clearly imagining herself in the same situation, having to look after herself. I smiled in the semi-darkness, not sure that Felicity would cope any better than Olivia. She was hardly an independent sort of girl, despite her age, as far as I could see. Not that it was their fault, of course. Because their parents had quite obviously not allowed them to have any independence. I had been out on my feet by the time we had our bath the night before, but I still remembered Caroline walking Felicity into the bathroom, naked as the day she was born, holding her hand, and then helping her into the bath with us. Like a little baby my shadows suggested, still there, still messing with my mind, but they had a point of course. Felicity was nice, but she lived a very sheltered life. "Did you really cook things on your own? Like proper meals? Wouldn't it have been better to have a babysitter? Or sleep over with a friend? I would probably come here, if my parents were out overnight?"

"I'd put things in the oven...or the microwave...like pizzas or pasta bakes...or I'd do beans on toast...I did my own washing...loaded the dishwasher...and mum works every Saturday because it's big money at weekends, so I couldn't go to a friend every week, whilst an overnight babysitter would cost a fortune, and be really embarrassing for someone my age? No one Kelly knows...no one I know, I mean, still has babysitters?" I explained, hearing the surprise in her voice as if the idea of cooking for herself was unbelievable, before realising that I was using the past tense. I shivered at the realisation, the likelihood, or at least the possibility that my old life was over, forever. It was one thing knowing what had happened to me, and not letting it drive me insane, but it was quite another accepting that the life swap might well be permanent if I could not find a miracle cure. Confiding in Felicity was a relief, because I had someone to talk to, and be myself with, but the harsh reality was that we had no idea what to do. Emailing Kelly/Olivia was a start, at least, and doing something was better than doing nothing, but I was not stupid enough to think that it would get me anywhere. "Olivia is right about one thing...her parents really do baby their girls...and sorry...I don't know much about your...situation...but it seems like your mum is much the same with you...no offence? I'm not trying to be nasty...I promise?"