My Favorite Pouge // JJ MAYBANKS

~ THREE // New Girl ~

After I sat in my room for a little bit, kinda just zoning out. I realized it was already 7pm. I snapped back to reality and decided it was time to smoke.

When I think too much, about my future, my past.

It feels like time slips away from me. I'll start thinking and focus on the floor as my vision goes blurry. And when it happens it's hard to snap back to reality.

I smoked about 4 bowls from my bong and I started to look for an outfit. I decided to go with something simple.
I wore a black long sleeve top that stopped just above my belly button, paired with some cute gray shorts and a sweater over top.

As I got dressed I took a second to examine the scars I had along my chest. I had bruises down my legs and arms mostly around my wrists. I hated how I looked.
I looked beaten and broken, which I guess I was. 
But the one I hated most was the red mark I had from Noah when he almost killed me. He grabbed my ne-

~flashback~

I walked out of the bathroom and tried to make it look like I wasn't crying. Noah looked at me like a bull ready to charge at a red flag.

"What the fuck is that" he said as he stood up clenching his fists together beside him

I swallowed hard, I was scared I just stood there not knowing what he was talking about, he grabbed my face and turned it to the side. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. His flaring Nostrils, jaw tightened with clenched teeth, his pupils the size of pennies.

"You fucking slut" he shouted at me I flinched back.

I hadn't done anything, but I know better than to open my mouth, better to keep it shut.

I knew what he was talking about after a second. The hickey I had was right there when I noticed where he was looking.

He was high. He was always high. He had forgotten he was the one who gave it to me. He grabbed me by my throat and lifted me off the ground before I got a chance to tell him, it was him who gave it to me

"now next time you'll think before you cheat"

He yelled probably loud enough for the neighbors to hear. His spit flying out of his mouth right onto my face.

As I was being lifted off the ground by my neck, I didn't fight back, I didn't care if this was the moment I die.

I felt the air leaving my body, but I didn't kick or try to push him off, instead I just let tears roll down my red stained cheeks.

"Do you feel the air leaving your lungs?"

He asked me to inspect my face with his crazy eyes that always scared me. He laughed "I SAID DO YOU FUCKIN-"

~end of flashback~

I let out a huge gasp for air when I snapped back into it. It was like it was happening all over again.

Now I've been through a number of things far far worse than just getting choked so It was easy to downplay a lot of shit.

But that time with Nick. I thought I was going to die, I was ready and genuinely convinced this was it. After I felt myself passing out, I said goodbye. But then I woke up.

I shake my head and quickly wipe my tears.

By now it's 7:30 and I take another quick smoke break. After I switched out my belly button piercing to make it match the outfit better, I put on some extra light jewelry. Then I started my makeup. I naturally had an okay face but I liked adding small touches, curling my eyelashes, lip plumper, contour, and concealer on my neck trying to cover up the noticeable bruise I had.