My Favorite Pouge // JJ MAYBANKS

~ FIVE // Breaking Promises ~

***************TW!!!! Addiction, Eating disorder

As I'm walking home my smile fades, I feel my stomach become uneasy the closer I get to home. Ryan is a great older brother; he is just very strict with keeping promises.

Ever since we were kids, we always kept our promise and when either of us broke it we both got upset. With Jen and whatever boyfriend was around at the time we always got our feelings hurt, as we grew older and started to view the world for what it really was, we didn't need promises from anyone besides each other. Now I try my hardest to not break any promises, the only one I've been breaking for years that Ryan has no idea about is my addiction. As a kid we swore to never be addicted to anything, I broke that rule.

 I got hard drugs hiding away in my room just to prove it. 

Ryan never cared about weed, we smoked a lot together, but the hard shit is what bothered the both of us. I hate lying to him and I feel guilty every day. But I physically and mentally can't live in the fake world we do today where we all suffer. This is not living, and I've never felt alive. The drugs cloud my mind and it's like taking a fresh breath of air.

As I'm walking our apartment comes into view I sigh. When I get there, I decide to use the front door. I reach out the handle and hesitate to open it, finally I get enough courage to face him. I walk in and Ryan is sitting on the tall chair in the kitchen.

 Before I step through the doorway, I look at him. He glances up at me and looks straight back down to the papers in front of him. Ignoring my presence, he's being stubborn.

As I walk in closing the door behind me, I take a gulp before speaking.

"Hey" I said briefly. I hear him scoff almost below a whisper. A moment passes before he speaks "Nothing to worry about" He states sarcastically mimicking our conversation from yesterday.

I make my way towards the kitchen and rest my elbows on the counter across from him.

"Listen what happened last night was not my fault" I said meanwhile Hes still looking down when he says, "Never is" in the most casual way possible, I scoff "Ryan do you even care what I'm about to fucking say?" I announce louder than I should have.

He slams his hand down on the kitchen counter, I jumped back but I knew he would never hurt me, it just startled me. "I Don't know Ari, do I care?" He says looking around tapping his chin sarcastically being in deep thought. "It's not like I've been worried sick all morning and called you about 100 times." He stops and looks at me dead in the eye.

"I mean Ari, why would I give a shit? It's not like it's the third day we've been here, and you never came home last night." He still looks at me with anger in his eyes, but I can see the sadness, he's waiting for a response. If it were him, I'd be upset too.

I sigh and look him dead in the eye "I was drugged." I state plainly, He closes his mouth and I see a wave of regret wash over him. "Look I'm sorry I wish I could have got in touch with you, I would be worried sick too" I rambled, He just stands up and walks over to the other side of the counter to where I'm standing, He pulls me into a tight hug. He whispers, "I'm just glad you're okay, I worry about you Ari." I sigh and tears start to pool out of my eyes.

I explain everything that's happened to him, Rafe, And the Pogues. He was so relieved that they got me to safety, He was also on the verge of tracking down Rafe and Kelce. But I told him to leave it as I had learnt my lesson.

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Around 12 Ryan had to head to work, and I was just chilling for the majority of the day getting high. I had nothing to do, I was bored out of my damn mind. I decided I wanted to wander around. I explored the streets of the new town I prayed was my new start. I noticed this coffee shop that I decided to keep in mind for another day.