Do Over?

1

Start over, right?

I suck in a deep breath and count to three in my head, then I take a look at the huge carefully designed building in front of me feeling that sting of uncertainty again.

Do I need to do this?

I glance down at my Student ID which I had just gotten from the Admissions and back up to Princeton University, New York City where I'd hoped to start over on a clean slate.

I need to do this!

It felt good to finally be done with everything that had to do with registration, I mean it took a lot being in a Private University and I was only relieved I had just enough money to foot all the bills.

I let out a deep breath and gather the books under my arm with my drawing board in one hand and my phone in my other hand in front of me and I stare hopelessly at the student map on my screen.

It's a ridiculously big university.

I start to make my way to the cafeteria. I needed some food, it's been hours since I put something in my mouth probably because I couldn't contain my nerves.

But heaven knew I was terrible with directions and even more horrible with a map.

"Dammit" I curse as the caller ID comes up on my phone, interrupting my brain that was very close to fighting out where to go. I hit receive, putting the phone on speakers.

I regret doing that because then I had the entire walkway's attention with my Auntie Dana's scream "I'm so proud of you baby girl, you in Princeton, aren't you so excited Sweetheart".

"Go Tigers". Its difficult to hide the lack of enthusiasm I feel.

I grunt, feeling the weight on my arms get even more heavy

"You're my little Architect aren't you baby girl " She screams even louder and now I feel I'm just causing a nuisance.

"Yeah I am, I love you I'll call you later. Bye" I end the call and blow out a breath, and start to make my way to God knows where, staring at the map on my screen.

Thud!

For the love of Jesus, must bad things happen to me.

I glance down at all my books, my drawing board and my phone on the ground now cracked on the screen and pierce my eyes shut hating how embarrassing and clumsy this situation is and the crowd of people around staring at me sure aren't helping.

"Fuck, fuck" I bend down, picking up my phone to see the crack that has now taken over my screen making it difficult to see.

"Uhm. I'm so sorry about this--"

"Fuck" I ignore the apology from the guy who I had bumped into and continue to tap on my damaged screen. "God no".

I live a carefully budgeted life and it becomes very uncomfortable when unforeseen circumstances such as this occur. I'd never be able to replace it.

A large figure lowers to the ground in front of me and I can't help staring up. "I could, I could fix it. I'm in an engineering department" He says and I look back to my screen.

In a swift move, I shove my phone into my tote bag and start to gather my books back in my hand and my board and get up.

"Thanks but it's cool. I'm sorry I hit you, I'm just-- trying to find a cafeteria, I've been busy all day, haven't had anything to eat and now this school, God it's so big, I've been trying so hard to find the cafeteria and I'm so terrible with a map except it's literally dragging my ass straight to where I need to be on a scroller and----. Fuck" I blow out a breath, hating how I'm a natural rambler. "Okay, bye" I say and step over him, heading in a direction I didn't know.