Do Over?

2

October 14th 2022

First official day at college. There I go again, chasing these dreams!

I roll my eyes as I scribble down the shit on journal my therapist gave to me.

Therapy is shit, a complete waste of your time while you entertain a person when they do not even ask and end up taking your money.

It made no sense, writing accomplishments and goals on paper just so you remind yourself you did that.

I'm the one who did it so why would I forget.

If it wasn't for Auntie and Dad I wouldn't be going through with any of this, I wouldn't even be here.

But I was starting again right, getting things accomplished!

I smile and scribble down on my journal

Go Tigers!

And then I close it staring at the front page with the faces of the two most precious souls in the world, a smile growing on my face and I shove it in my tote bag.

I stare at the college doors from the grass I was sat on, willing every form of fear and doubts from my system and let out a deep calming breath.

This is for you!

"Let's get that degree" I whisper and start to make my way into the college.

I wasn't worried about the academic work, hell I could do all shit even without attending a single class, well that's how I got in here with just a month of preparation for my GED.

It was the experience that bothered me. I wasn't used to any of this, I had my chance, screwed it up and now here I am hoping I don't play my cards like I did the last time.

I managed to make a print out of the map and spent all night learning it and still made it just early enough to be in school just in time to wander around and see if my map skills got better without bumping into anyone.

And honestly, I have to say I made the best choice of a life time coming here early because my map skills were still as accomplished as the stupid pages of my journal.

How the hell do these map creators expect us to understand acronyms like FOP, FOL, PTE157 and more shit like that.

It's been, five elevator rides, 8 College of Med classes and what seems like and entirely different city which happened to just be the Faculty of Law to get me to ARC 437.

I glance up at the label just above the door and fling my hands up in the air, waving it and moving my hips to the sides in excitement.

"Take that journal"

"Dang girl. Keep those moves up and in two days you'd be buying me dinner and sides for all the money you could get" I hear that same familiar voice from yesterday and embarrassment seeps into me.

First impression to the first person I meet in college. I'm a broke ass who can't afford a real lunch.

"Ah! Don't shut that mouth of yours and you  wouldn't be eating a damn thing" I turn to face him with a stern look and my hands folded.

Goddamit!

I have to believe it's the hunger strike and embarrassment from yesterday that made me take so long to notice how so damn attractive he is and maybe the fact that he is in a tank top and basketball shorts.

I let my eyes linger on his biceps, my tongue drawing a faint line on the top of my lips and hell my mind was hovering.

God, I shouldn't even look down.