En of Love: TOSSARA ( ON HIATUS)

EP 26: Ordinary

TOSSARA 26

[Sarawut]

I stood looking at the two men that I knew well; chatting and stroking each other's backs in the middle of the beach. Starry eyes, at the seaside, maybe? I try not to think about it. One person is my boyfriend; my boyfriend who says he loves me very much, and one of them was my junior in the University; someone who used to like me.

I followed Gun after I thought I had control of my emotions. It's because I'm too angry so I can't talk, I didn't say it was as good as always, but this time I really felt bad.

The story of the woman in the lobby stabbed my heart. I looked down at my phone, my heart hurt even more. The LINE application that I opened since last night was still opened. I looked at the picture of the two men looking at each other's faces; I just know that it hurts every time I look at it.

Preem: Sorry, we sent the wrong one. I will send the photos of activities to Nong Gun.

Sent the wrong one?! My LINE name and Gun's not even close.

I didn't reply their messages and I still haven't asked anything; I just kept on looking at the picture where their faces are so close to each other that it makes me want to throw my phone away. Why aren't you saying that you liked her? Why is it so satisfying for them to see Gun happy? Why would they send it? What stupid things are they thinking? Do you really have to move your face closer like this?

Nong Pim... my good Doctor friend

After the meeting is finished, I plan to show this picture to ask Gun about it. But this happened before my very eyes. He was sitting and talking to a woman in the hotel lobby. I wouldn't mind if that girl wasn't pretty, I wouldn't mind if that girl didn't flirt with him, I wouldn't be mad if he refused or acted like he didn't wanted to talk to her at all.

But he doesn't...

He talks, he smiles, he looks at her...

Beautiful women are attracted to men. I get it. Women and men are alike. It's weird for some people, like me and Gun; I know... but I try to ignore it and just look at the happiness that I have. But when I came across this kind of things, I have to think a bit more about our relationship.

Gun is an attractive man. He is the highlight in everything and has received attention from both men and women. It's not surprising that people likes him and it's not strange that he talks to people who likes him. But he has a boyfriend already; shouldn't he know his boundaries and care about his boyfriends feelings?

Even as a fan, I should know the boundaries of talking to other people. Both of you should know the limits of how much you can talk to each other. How close can you be? I can't stop anyone's thoughts but if you do this, how can I endure this feelings?

The two of them were still sitting together like that. I'm still standing here looking at Mark who lit a cigarette for the second time. He gave one to Gun and he accepted it... I don't like the smell of cigarettes.

Before, the two of them were incompatible. And what's the point of them fighting before if the two of them sit and talk and smoke together like this? What is it that brings them together like this? I know I shouldn't think too much. It would seem silly but I can't help but think.

As far as I am, I'm not a very good person, my grades are so-so, I don't have much time for him. Each time we meet, we are always confused about each other.

Or is he bored...

Does he want to find something new?

I'm so addicted to him and love him that it's hard to stand and watch him walk away. I love him so much; I don't want to lose him, but what about him... is he tire of chasing me? I rarely show how much I love him; will he know how much I love him? People, who just saw him for the first time, liked him already. He did well for a few or four times flirting with me and I fell in love with him...