Up to this point in my story, my Dad and I had tackled it all alone really. But I knew there must be someone out there who understood what we were going through. I couldn't find much on Google, but on YouTube I found a video about a woman named Catherine St Clair, who had founded a group called 'DNA NPE Friends'.
Everything St Clair mentioned, was what I was feeling and going through myself. I really wanted to join the group, but I couldn't find the 'gateway' screening group at this point. I commented on the YouTube video, somebody replied with a link, and I got screened by one of their volunteers.
NPE - Not Parent Expected is the usual abbreviation though I have also seen it as Non-Paternal Event. Many of us consider ourselves to be 'NPE', so it can be used in a few contexts.
In fact, I found one group called 'NPE only' but because it was my Grandpa and not my Dad who I lacked the biological relation to, I did not pass their screening. I felt this was unfair, but I understand that many in our community want a space where we can freely talk about our NPE experience without the judgement of others. I would argue that because I was the one to discover the bombshell, and that it clearly mattered to me, I should've been allowed - I still consider myself NPE after all.
I realised this is something I wanted to do - help people in similar situations. I understand DNA as if it were my second language. And I'd been deeply moved by everything I'd discovered. I would train as a genealogist and counsellor, this is a niche yet to be filled.
I started a fundraiser, which did not go well initially. I'd almost given up hope, but one day my great uncle noticed my fundraiser, and then paid for every penny of a genealogy course! What a stroke of luck!
I followed somebody on Instagram called NPE Alicia, she seemed kind enough and I was excited to follow her story as I discovered my own. But I was taken aback when she blocked me instantly - the only reason I can fathom is that I had the fundraiser visible on my Instagram. This, or perhaps that I was visibly gay on my profile, and she is strongly Christian. However this is not the core of my personality, unlike Alicia with her religion. One passage from the Bible I will happily quote is 'Love thy neighbour'.
Apologies for the slight passive aggressive tone re NPE Only and Alicia, but I feel it was all quite demeaning.
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To Find a Cuckoo Bird
Non-FictionDNA Tests have changed my life in ways I never would have expected, and it all started during the coronavirus pandemic. Please join me on this journey of love, life, death, highs and lows, as I discover who I truly am. Thank you!
