Mr. Perfect

Thirty

Amelia

"It's going to be okay." He kissed me, "We're safe here." He held my sweaty but cold hand, "Everything is going to be okay."

Liar.

Everything is not going to be okay.

'What about us? Are we going to be okay?' I wanted to ask. But I didn't. I know he's scared but he's trying to distract himself from it by kissing me and telling us that it's going to be okay. When in reality, nothing is okay. When in reality, we're supposed to say goodbye to each other. But we're not. We don't want to. We're pretending like we don't know we're supposed to say goodbye right now.

But I think it's time I start saying my goodbye...

Even if I don't want to.

I kissed his neck softly, "I love you."

He glanced over at my head rested on his shoulder, kissed the tip of my nose. "I love you."

I felt my bottom lip tremble as he looked away from me, I thanked god he didn't see it. I don't want to say goodbye. I'm just now discovering that I hate goodbyes. I hate goodbyes. I don't want to say goodbye to Marcus, my Marcus. Mr. Perfect, my Mr. Perfect. I don't want to say goodbye.

I inhaled my tears in.

"What did you mean by 'Our deal'?" I try to change the subject.

He shrugs, "I'm sure you don't want to know." I swallow. 

"I'm sure I want to." I say quietly.

He inhaled deeply, "Louis is going to report my father breaking into our house, and he's going to call the investigator hired by Jake to tell him that they found you."

My breath hitched as I heard his words. I'm losing Marcus. Now I'm sure of it – before, I wasn't sure he'd get arrested, but now... it's happening. I'm losing him for sure now.

I felt the hot liquid stain one of my cheeks but Marcus wiped it away instantly. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't hold my tears back anymore. I couldn't pretend I was okay anymore. It all started with one tear, one long tear that stained one cheek – but that one tear led into waterfalls coming out of my eyes and staining both of my cheeks.

"Don't cry, please, my Angel, don't cry, I don't like seeing you cry."

I couldn't do what he asked me to do... because I didn't hear it. I was too focused on my own thoughts to hear it.

"Why, Marcus. Why?" I heard my own cry. It sounded pathetic and loud. But I couldn't care. My mind felt so empty, yet so full. Full of thoughts of my life without Marcus in it, of thoughts about where Marcus is going to end up after the police gets here. But also so empty.

He wrapped his left arm around my shoulders, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," my sobs are getting louder, I can hear them, but I can't stop them. I don't know how. Marcus wasn't doing anything to keep quiet either. It's like he wanted me to cry the pain out of myself or something. He just comforted me, apologized to me, told me he loves me and promised me he always will. 

No matter what.

I jumped as I heard his father banging on our bedroom's door, calling Gloria's name.

He found us. Because of me. I sniffled, looking at Marcus's face. He placed his finger on my lips, "Shh," I stopped moving. I stopped blinking. I stopped breathing.

The banging didn't stop.

Marcus held me tight against his firm body. I could feel how rapid his pulse is, how fast his breathing is. He's going to panic.