Background Noise

Modern Eponine

People were talking outside. Noisily, now that classes had ended for that day.

She sat in the shadow of her hiding place, tapping her fingers against the floor. She wasn't that hidden, the orange curtains that fell in a semi-circle around the windows not covering the floor. If anyone bent, they could see her feet. Or the bottom half of her skirt in an Indian sit. 

She hummed nothing, only a droning note that raised and lowered pitch from time to time.

The sound of a door opening echoed through the tunnel. It did that. 

A guy's voice.

"Hey people!" he yelled and she held her breath, unmoving, unbreathing. His voice kind of strained when he raised his voice. Immediately, he started talking to someone out there. She clenched her fist. A mild form of sadness washed over her when she heard her voice.

"I am Eponine," she whispered.

Friend-zone. Unrequited. Unknown. Eponine.

She became less conscious of the world she was hiding from as she started replaying scenes from the Les Miserables movie. She opened her mouth to let out a sigh. If you laugh at the stupid things, a Facebook post said, you are sad deep inside.

Maybe I am, she thought.

 Well, Eponine's situation is horrible compared to mine. Mine's just a schoolgirl crush.

A door opened and closed. She couldn't hear his voice. She drew out a long breath. She'd been doing that lately, laughing at the little stuff, then emitting a sad sigh. She tilted her head to look at the chipped cement. It was a narrow tunnel. Narrow and small. She felt somewhat safe in here.

Gradually, the voices became lesser and lesser, until there were no sounds but the hum of the aircon and her breaths. Everyone had gone home.

Now.

She took a breath, and then emptied it. In, out. In, out. Her voice came out shaky at first but slowly righted itself.

"On my own, pretending he's beside me. All alone, I walk with him 'til morning. Without him, I feel his arms around me, and when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me."

The echo of her voice encouraged her, and she raised the volume a little. "In the rain, the pavement shines like silver. All the lights, are misty in the river. In the darkness...the trees are full of starlight, and all I see is him and me, forever and forever."

She stopped and took another huge breath. "Oh, Eponine, you poor woman."

She was so into it that she didn't hear the footsteps.

"And I know...it's only in my mind. That I'm talking to myself, and not to him." Her voice became louder. "And although, I know that he is blind. Still I say, that there's a way for us. I love him, but everyday I'm yearning. All my life, I've only been pretending. Without me, his world will go on turning. A world that's full of happiness that I had never known!"

The room was silent as she played the music in her head. "I love him, but only on my own." She felt tears build up and tried to hold them in. Someone clapped from outside and everything moving thing in her body froze.

"That was awesome. Why aren't you a singer?"

Her heart was the first to react. It beat like a rabbit's.

"Because...I-I'm in school?" she replied.

"Hmm, yeah, you got a point." He bent down and under the curtain to talk to her. She swallowed.

"Who is he?"

"Excuse me?" Nice answer, she thought.

"Who were you singing to?"

Don't say anything wrong, she thought. "Myself. Kaya nga 'on my own'."

He smiled. "Who is he? Come on, I won't tell..."

She blinked and took a breath. "I—can't...it's..." She looked around the room, hoping he didn't pick up on her panic. Well, he had yet to pick up on her feelings.

He looked at her for another long, unbearable moment, his face blank. She lightly touched her stomach. It felt like it was in a blender. The door opened and she hid herself behind the cubbyhole that was against the window. From the voice that greeted him, and how he immediately stood up and went away from her 'cave', it was her and she felt that sadness again.

Did he know?

Did he...?