Background Noise

Lost In Emotion

 Hit the beat now.

She slips the earphones out of her ears as her car nears the school entrance. Aw snap, she thinks as her driver pulls the handle-thing that opens the trunk, And my favorite song was playing. She winds the earphones around her phone, then stuffs it hurriedly as the car in front of them leaves and the guard signals for them to drive in. Her driver unlocks the car and she scrambles out, fast-walking into the entrance and up the stairs.

The music still plays.

 Lost in emotion. 

She reaches the fourth floor, where her classroom is, and stops for a moment to breathe. This always tires her out. When she got her bearings, she takes another deep breath. I'm going to see him, she thought. Her heart cries for joy, while her mind stomps the feeling down as she takes the final steps to her classroom. Oh shoot, she thinks as she opens the door and her eyes immediately look for his face.

"Some guys will promise you a marriage made in heaven..." She softly sings to her seat.

 But I'm gonna stick to my guns.

 Why can't I just let go... she thinks. It's very clear he doesn't feel anything other than friendship for me. She drops her bags beside her seat.

 Like waiting for that love that I might be getting. My dreams have yet begun. Oh, baby.

Or maybe he does like her. But he's keeping mum. Ugh, there is no break, isn't there? Even in her dreams (once, she dreamt about school and everything was black and white and she was walking to her seat and she could see him. And she could feel she liked him. Even in the dream). My glob, she thought. Jared. That was his name. She realizes he is just a few meters away. She quickly blanked him out of her mind. Keep out the people who could read minds. Oh no, what if he could read minds? She smacks her head.

 Am I a fool 'cause I don't know just how you feel?

She couldn't understand him. Sometimes it seemed like he really did feel something for her. Being annoying, sitting near her, flicking her hair. But he did that to all the other girls in class. He was also hesitant to say her name aloud. As for me, she thought, I never ever say his name aloud.

 And is my love for you, oh I, can't conceal. Oh I am lost in emotion.

She stares at her bag, as if it would give her the answers. WikiHow (or was it Twitter? ) says that if you like someone for more than 5 months, it becomes love. Her eyes widen. She had the revelation...last...year. And what month is it now? She shakes her head. No, she talked about it with her mom. It's not always like that. She didn't...love him, right? She wasn't Beth. Beth was lovestruck. Not with Jared. Yep. So confusing, she thinks and combs her hair with her hands. She checks her watch. Classes don't start yet for...10 minutes.

 Telling you things you really shouldn't know, oh, baby I am lost in emotion.

She thinks back to those conversations where she was sharing every little thing she could. As discreetly as possible. Did she tell him she wrote songs? Hmm. No, she didn't tell anyone other than her parents. She tugs on her hair.

"Am I a fool, at least my friends think so. Que sera, que sera." Maybe he wants her to like him. But...he wouldn't do that. It's just not him. But she didn't know him. She couldn't. She'd fall deeper. Maybe she was over reacting. Over thinking. There. Oh well.

 Whatever will be, que sera, que sera.

Maybe she was stupid.

 Between you and me, oh, oh, oh, oh... she sings in her head.

 Just how true are the rumours I am hearing.

Sometimes people would tell her he liked her. That...and... Were they true? Or some kind of ploy to find out who I like. Does he like me? she thinks.

 About the crush you have on me.

At the thought of him liking her back, her mind starts to show her scenarios of how she thought he would break it to her. The kind of thoughts you can't wave away. There was a horrible feeling in her stomach. Butterflies. Like in the stories. They. Feel. Horrible. Stop.

 Baby, I'm blind 'cause I just don't see it, but I wanna believe what they see.

She really, really wanted to believe them. But she just couldn't see it. He was just so...but he never paid more attention to her other than what was necessary. Wait, why was she thinking about this? He was just there. Wipe your mind! Strawberries, mangoes...oranges...

Nope. He doesn't like me at all. Oh, yeah. Kiwi, watermelon...pomelo...apple...

 I find myself telling you things I don't even tell my best friends.

She suddenly thinks of her best friend. Best friends tell eachother secrets. Well, she certainly didn't tell her she likes him. But then, she didn't tell anyone but her parents, herself, and God. Best friend told her her own crush. Well, then.

 I keep showing emotions, not knowing just where it all stands for us.

She was weirder now. Sometimes, during awkward, and very rare, silences in the class she would suddenly squeal for no reason. Or she'd act crazy. And for some reason crazy felt normal. And...sometimes he would notice. Call her crazy. And...that was almost a compliment when it came from him. But she would never ever let him know that.

 From time to time, I've wondered what I am in your heart.

Oh well. She can't rid this off her mind until she thoroughly thought about it. What does he think of me? And she smacked her head. No, not that blunt, someone might hear.

Mm. Yep, she is going crazy. Maybe she was...just a seed in his bag of old crushes. She didn't last long in his sight, and he was drawn back to..mmhm. Nope. She will not even think her name. Nor picture his face!

And even though I don't live there yet, I'm afraid, it'll be cold and dark.

He seemed like such an...a hole. He was a little mean to her. A little. Maybe he felt awkward. While he was comortable borrowing pens or asking for paper, he didn't call her name out...loud in class. But he was friendlier. Or what she thought was friendly. He could be nice. He could be sorry. But...

"Lost in emotion...telling you things you really shouldn't know..."

"Hey, people! " Her heart jumped. With big emotions I can't be dealing...