An Act of Agency | ONC2022

Chapter Eight

Finally touching another so intimately gave me everything that I didn't realize I needed. Allowing my lips to explore Xander's mouth brought me back to my first kiss in high school, which was nothing like this.

For one, being deprived of such carnal needs since the start of the airborne contagion was nearly ten years of agony. And for two, Johnny had only agreed to kiss me due to a bet him and his friends made.

To be able to finally indulge and give in to my urges brought me to a place of bliss I didn't want to end. Sharing kisses and caresses with Xander had my mind playing out scenarios that went even further down the steamy lane.

However, while I continued to explore Xander's petal soft lips with my own, I took note of a few things that further distinguished him from my first kiss. The upsetting lack of warmth in his breaths and touch. Kissing such a beautiful man automatically gave me expectations of moist make out sessions and steaming hot breath, body heat, and sweat that was missing from this experience. It was only then that the harsh reality hit me, and I broke the kiss, putting some awkward space between us.

Bashfully, I rubbed the back of my neck. What was I doing? How could I let my emotions and desires take over me like that? Although Xander seemed to display emotions and take an interest in me, he was still an android. Dad was right. And much like Johnny, what lay within his chest wasn't a heart. Were all my efforts pointless at the end of the day?

"Is everything alright, Leo?" Xander tilted his head slightly.

The coldness in the room became icier as a bit of embarrassment sank in. "I don't know what's going on," I admitted. Something took over me and my lack of control worried me. Was I so desperate for intimacy that I would manipulate an android?

"You were teaching me how to touch." His words came out casually. Did he have no regard for what we just shared? Had my kisses only been a touch to him?

"Yes," I nodded, composing myself. "I was teaching you how to touch, but I shouldn't give lessons in that kind of touch. It's important we be careful. I don't want to go down a road we can turn back from." The thought of Dad and what he had been going through recently washed over me like guilt. I was being selfish, talking away his caregiver and turning him into a sex bot for my pleasure.

"That is your choice." Xander bowed his head. "I know how you feel about secrets."

For some reason, his words urged me to glance at the closed closet door. "You're right. For now, let's just keep this to ourselves."

"If you like." Xander nodded. "I will do what makes you feel at ease."

"Speaking of secrets," I started. "What's your secret, Xander?"

Astonishingly he too glanced to the closet door. "As a domestic caregiver, I share all information with my clients. Therefore, I hold no secrets."

"Besides the one's I ask you to," I pointed out.