(warning: panic attacks and ptsd)
Hi guys! Loving the season so far! And can we talk about Lando's podium? that was so out of the blue but lovedddd it.
this one was requested ages ago by @_crazycookie_ , I know the Spa crash for him was bad, but not that bad. so I might be exaggerating a tiny bit, just letting you all know. This isn't how everyone's panic attacks are, but this is just based off of my personal knowledge and experiences. Its not a super long one but I hope you enjoy!
Lando:
His heart was beating fast, blood rushing to his head, room spinning, he couldn't breath.
skid
spin
the impact of the wall
get him out
stuck
his head pounded, his lungs gasping for air as his vision blurred.
all he could think was help
"help me," he whispered, clutching onto his legs curled up on the floor. Tears ran down his cheeks as flashbacks started to get a hold of him.
'stop it', he thought trying to stable himself. 'Its not real, it's over' , So why's it not stopping? The crash was months ago and still it was all he could think about. The horrible rain, the sliding, the smashing into the wall.
~
Lando heard the door unlock and open, George must've been back from the Mercedes meeting already. "Honeyyyyy, I'm homeee." his voice rang throughout the flat in the same singsongy tone he always teased him with.
"What is it? what's wrong? are you ok?" George asked rushing to his side.
"George.." Lando gasped, still stuck in the fetal position, gripping onto the plush blue carpet beneath him.
"look at me," George said softly, putting his hands to Lando's face. "Just breathe, It'll be okay"
Lando was hyperventilating now, hands glued to his side rocking back and forth. He wanted to reach out to George, to speak, to yell, anything to get him out of this moment. His voice wouldn't form and no matter how hard he tried to get the words out, the most he could manage was a shuddered sob and a jerk of his head in George's direction.
Lando tried to focus his eyes on something else in the room to calm himself down, not wanting to make George more worried then he already was. They rested on a wooden coffee table with rings from the ghosts of hundreds of mugs etched all over the surface. He traced those rings, over and over and over, until even that turned into the sharp edges of the rainy Belgium circuit.
He was so used to reliving the crash that haunted his every waking moment, sometimes paralyzing him in so much fear that it was impossible to move, to breath. The impact wasn't the worst part, as some might imagine, but the out of control ness that came after he spun. He knew the impact with wall was coming, to brace himself, but those few seconds felt like an eternity. Lando didn't know if those were the last few seconds he would be alive.
He tried to capture everything in those moments. The feel of the cold wind racing against his bare neck, the sound of the skidding car, the things that used to make him feel most alive were now forcing him to face his mortality.
"Lando," George asked gently after the intense panic had subsided, "can you tell me what happened?"
"The crash." Lando struggled out.
"at spa?" George asked finishing the words Lando could not make out, placing his other hand on his boyfriends knee to stop it from shaking. Lando only nodded, still looking at the coffee table, trying to regain some sense of control. George, rubbed his thumb over his cheek, brushing the soft skin now damp with tears.
"it's ok, you don't have to say it if you can't, just know I'm here." George replied.
"I-" Lando breathed out, "I'm scared. I'm scared that every time I get into a car now all I can think of is the crash. It doesn't feel like it used to, freeing. Now all I feel is trapped, like I can't get out. I don't know who I am without racing and I don't want to stop, but I don't know if I can keep doing this if it doesn't get better...I'm sorry, I know it's stupid I-"
"Lando," George grabs the bottom of his chin, gently pulling it up to face his bright blue eyes. "Nothing about that is stupid, but you can't let your fear for something in the past stop you from what's happening now."
"I know.." Lando said
"Take your podium in Imola, that wouldn't have happened if you weren't driving anymore." George pointed out. "But if you don't love it anymore than you shouldn't do it."
"I do love it, and I love you. Now let's go race." Lando said standing up, looking more confident than George had seen him in a while.
The end.
_______
Yeah, that one sucked lol. But what doesn't suck is I'm currently I'm in Montreal waiting to meet Alex Albon and Nicholas Latifi. I'm going to the race this Sunday and am very excited. Sooo, wish me luck lol. I'll post some pics.
💛-C
