ꋊꄲ꓄ ꋬ ꒒ꄲ꒦ꏂ ꇙ꓄ꄲꋪꌦ- ꋬ ꋊꏂꅐ꓄ꂵꋬꇙ ꇙ꓄ꄲꋪꌦ

ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 11: 𝔈𝔳𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔰

       TW!!!!- Mentions of self-harm!! Don't read if you are sensitive to stuff like that.  I will summarize it at the end for those who don't want to read it. 

    Had Newt yet mentioned that his eyes were the color of warm chocolate? Well, they were. Comforting and gentle; all shades mixed in a beautiful blend. Looking into them now sent bolts of adenosine through his spine. He could almost imagine the time he'd asked Thomas about them,                                                                                                                                                                                            "I got my mum's eyes"  He had said "Teresa's eyes are bright blue though it makes me a bit jealous"  

Newt had thought him crazy for thinking that. He found his eyes beautiful and intriguing. So many times he had wished that Thomas would show his face. That morning he had gotten up the same as any other day. What made this one different? What made this one special?  

He looked great; his dark hair swept to one side and his clothes neat and crisp. Newt suddenly felt self-conscious of his dirty night clothes and messy hair. Running his fingers through his hair he looked at Thomas as he spoke. 

" I just wanted to talk." He stated barely above a whisper. 

His words hit him like a hurricane. Talking. Not confessing, not kissing, not loving. His heart ached in his chest but he refused to let it bother him. 

I will not cry.

I will not cry.

It took force to have the words leave his throat and it showed in the rasp that came. 

"Fine, come in."

He opened the door more now and moved to the side as Thomas shuffled in. He caught the scent of soap and a soft spice that made his heart flutter involuntarily. Thomas sat on the bed facing him as his eyes raked over him. 

" Newt," He started making him flinch, " Look I just want to get something straight with you. I-I'm not made about what happened. I don't hate you or not want to hang out with you anymore. I just... don't know if I'm ready for what you want from me."

Newt felt his heart shatter as the last few words were spoken but he tried to keep his face neutral.

" I just miss you." Thomas continued " I never see you anymore, an-and I want that to end."

The words drove daggers into his skin as he continued. The pure thought that Thomas didn't feel the burn of caring for someone this deeply was unfathomable. He inhaled through his nose trying to push down the sob building in his throat. 

He didn't want to admit to Thomas (and himself) that he wanted him back, he didn't want to deal with this feeling. He wanted everything to stop. But, it couldn't stop, it would never stop. 

The selfish part of him wanted to refuse Thomas; wanted to demand he leave at once. Looking at his face made him falter. Behind his neat hair and clean face showed pleading eyes with dark circles underneath. 

Had he caused this? 

His nails dug into his palm at the thought of hurting this boy. In this way his mother was right, he infected people. He looked down at the pale scars across his wrists now mixed with fresher ones. That would relieve the pain; it would bleed out of his system. For now, however, he needed to fix this. 

Biting his lip to stifle another sob he grabbed Thomas's arm. A shock went through his body as his hand connected with flesh. Thomas looked at him then, really looked at him, seeming to stare into his soul. Again, his eyes were beautiful and deep, full of secrets and mischief, he couldn't take happiness away from anyone else. It took everything in him as he forced his lips into a small smile to confirm his forgiveness and exception.