We are happy.

Meeting

Today was the day. The day, where I finally went to Toms house. And I would throw up if I could. And I just might, even if I actually didn't eat something today, because I was so nervous. I am still nervous and my nerves are wrecked. I could convince Nana to meet up with me infront of her house, so we could go together, because I couldn't go alone, I just knew that. So we both were walking to Toms house. Why did he think this was a good idea?! Okay, it was a totally normal thing to do, but for me it clearly wasn't and I could tell, that he wanted to be nice, as he asked for us to meet up. Maybe he really had that helper syndrome. Actually, I was fully convinced, that he had it. He was just so... ugh, uncomfortable making. Not in a bad way, I was just weird. 

"What are you thinking of?" Nana was in her full confident aura and she completely represented a happy and unbothered teenager. "Just nervous." For once, if we are talking about Tom, it wasn't a lie. "Really?" She puffed her cheeks and let out a tired sigh."Don't be. He is nice. Not like those boys, you know?" Those boys were my old bullies. And yes, I was aware of the fact that he was the sweetest person ever, but my brain..."You can't just turn that feeling of, Nana. I know that but my head is thinking differently. Look, I wish, that this shit would stop, but it wont." She nodded understanding. "Your brain really needs a reality check. Because I will protect you of everything, that even tries to hurt you." She slung her arm around me and kind of hugged me... God, she was perfect. "And if you find the right girl, I am sure, that she will protect you just like I do!" my mood, which just seemed to be getting better, became the previous state. 

She didn't know it. And don't tell me, I already know, that I should've told her. Her out of all people, the person I can relate on and trust the most. I couldn't even imagine having a girlfriend. Nothing against women, I just didn't find them that type of attractive attractive, you know? There's just no appeal.

"Yeah..." I felt awful needing to lie to her, but I just couldn't tell her just yet. I just don't know when and where I will tell her, because the time needs to be perfect. She deserved that.  

---------------------------------------------------

"Aaaaaand here we are!" My heart sunk into the ocean and never seemed to see the surface again. Am I really here? Isn't this a dream?"I suppose, that I should knock?" I nodded my head, not being able to bring a word out of my mouth. I felt, as if I was going to be sick. 

The door opened soon after Nana knocked and there stood Tom. Tom Bront in a typical white t-shirt and blue jeans. At home, I spend almost an hour, trying to figure out, what I should wear. It kind of was a special occasion for me. "Hi." He smiled at us and motioned to come in. Hesitantly I stepped into his house and glanced at its furniture. It seemed pretty modern, but still kept cozy. I kind of liked it. "Hi." Nana said. "Hello..." I awkwardly waved at him and stood lost in the hallway. 

"Just follow me." He went up stairs and we just followed him, like we were some lost children following an adult, not knowing where he would bring us. "Uh, this is my room." He swung a door open and instantly I saw Sean sitting on his bed. Not me hoping to be the first one...

"Just make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back." "Okay!" Nana smiled at him and noticeably nudged me to say something. What should I say?! "Uh, yeah..." I could feel, that my cheeks were being red. "Alright then..." He disappeared and I followed Nana, who got comfortable on a cozy looking chair. Sean was typing on his phone, not taking notice of us, but that was more than alright. I looked around the room and needed to admit, that we both had a lot of posters on the wall, combined with one or two lavalamps. A thing we had in common.  But my room was more organised and... tidy. It seemed like he just threw everything into his selves and closet. Maybe most of the typical teenage boys were like that? I can't really relate, because I have two grown up, older sisters, who were studying law in Wales. They always told me to be tidy and clean, it was the best way to make a good impression.