Bbuing Bbuing And All That Jazz

Goodbye ~Chen (EXO)

I was too stupid to see it. Too stupidly in love with him to see him slipping away.

How had I not realised? How could I even look in the mirror? I can see it now, the way he grew distant, always went out to eat instead of eating with me. Always busy with work and his friends and going to the clubs.

I was so stupid.

As I looked at my disheveled hair in the mirror, the dark bags under my eyes appeared to me as if I'd been punched in the face. As if instead of simply leaving Chen had hit me in the face and in my stomach and in my heart and mind.

I was so stupid to believe him. The first time it happened, he was drunk. He came back at 2 am reeking of booze and cheap perfume. I could see the lipstick stains on his shirt and neck and mouth but he stayed silent and simply went to bed.

I cried that night. I called DO and he offered for me to stay at the dorm but stupidly I hoped that Chen had a perfectly acceptable explanation.

When it happened a second time and then a third, I grew worried. He was out drinking more often than not and my sorrow at his cheating on me was almost completely replaced by concern about his health.

But then... Then he told me about Hanna.

When I came home that night, he was packing.

"Oh." He said. "I had hoped to avoid this." He said, neither his face nor his voice betraying any emotion as he continued to fold clothes into his bag.

"Pa, I'm leaving." At first I didn't believe him. I didn't want to believe him. He had been coming home at 2 am, drunk and reeking of women for so long I had forgotten about the pain.

"I got someone pregnant. So I'm going to live with her." The cold emotionless statement turned my world upside down. Pregnant. He was going to have a child. With someone else.

I was stupid enough to ask why. He laughed.

I was stupid enough to ask him to stay.
He laughed

I was stupid enough to cry. But he stayed silent.

He moved out that day and I moved into the dorm with DO the next week. We had been friends before Chen's cheating but we grew closer over the past few months. He welcomed me with open arms.

It wasn't stupid of me to fall in love with Chen.

It was stupid of me not to accept that he had fallen out of love.

It wasn't stupid of me to forgive him.

But it would've been stupid to forget how he hurt me.