Brute

22. Max

What she said did in fact disturb his sleep at night, why did Kalki call his childhood depressing? Sure there were bits he remembered, not a whole lot. Max was sure he had good parts but for some reason his brain only chose to remember the not so nice bits, he couldn't sleep. He tried hard to recall good memories, the only ones that came up were vacations, specifically times he spent with his mother and Victoria.

You: Are you awake I need to discuss something

Sulky Kalki: can it wait until tomorrow morning? I'll drive so you can speak your mind.

You: I'll try but it's just... a lot.

Sulky Kalki: okay try getting in some sleep or maintaining a journal, see you in the morning.

She went offline, he cringed at himself. What had he just done? Was he going to tell the person who had been so hostile towards him just about everything that he was going through. He thought long and hard about who else he could possibly talk to, and then he realised somewhere along chasing his dream, he had become alone. He'd only ever needed company after races for parties, that wasn't too difficult when you've got money and fame- you always have an audience.

He barely slept a wink, the birds were already chirping. It was time for him to get going, he was groggy from how little rest his brain had allowed him to get. Max ordered breakfast in bed, got dressed for the day and made his way to the lobby. He decided to check out and settle the bills before Kalki was here . The old woman at the desk was being extra friendly to him, asking about how the woman with him was doing, he looked at her in confusion but thanked her for the pleasant stay.

"Ready to pour your heart out princess?" Kalki greeted him.

"Stop calling me princess." Max rolled his eyes.

The drive back got quiet, oddly quiet. He just couldn't bring himself to say what he was thinking about, but at the same time he could see Kalki's glances at him, urging him to say what he wanted to say.

"You called my childhood depressing."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I was clearly not thinking very clearly." She winced.

"No don't apologise, it kept me awake and made me think. Think for quite a while actually, I was trying to recall good times." He sighed.

"Go on." She said.

"And I realised I don't remember any good times, just the humiliation, fights and confusion." He found himself stuttering words.

"Confusion about what?"

"It's actually so fucked up now that I think about it." He chuckled. "If you didn't win a race or didn't perform well in a karting race what would your parents do?"

"My dad came with me to track most of the time, he'd let me get rid of all my negative emotions. Not say a word, and let me hug him and cry. Once I felt a little better he'd sit down and analyse the footage from that race." She said, Max could see the slight smile coming on her face, she was remembering those days with fondness.

Max felt pain in his chest, like it was being constricted by his ribs, his throat felt soar, like no words wanted to escape his mouth. But he pushed through it anyway, "imagine being six years old, not winning a race and instead of being consoled or given a 'you'll do better in the next one', all you get is a slap. Backhanded across you face for the first time, being so confused about why he did that?" His voice trailed off.

"But then you realise this was just the first time, he'll do it over and over. When you're numb to the slaps, out come the words. And those sting! He chooses them to make sure you're stung by them." Max took a deep breathe, placing his hands on his eyes, attempting to calm himself down. He felt a gentle touch on his wrist, Kalki' s eyes were on the road, one hand on the steering, other on his arm trying to soothe him.

He was surprised, after everything he'd done to her she still found a way to give him some kindness. "I'm glad you're comfortable enough with me as your manager to share something so personal about yourself with me. I know it's not my place to speak..."

"But you will speak anyway." He teased her without missing a beat.

She ignored his taunt and continued, "each one of us has a piece of us inside that hasn't completely grown because of something that happened to us at that age. We've started recognising it as our inner child, I think my remarks made that six year old child want to come talk to you." She looked at him for a split second.

"Well how do I make him go away because he's making me very sad."

"You can't just make him go away! You have to start doing things to heal him, start giving your present self the love attention he would have craved. Start doing things that'll make six year old you very happy."

"Well, he misses his friends. The boys and girls he played with at school, all the time he spent in a playground."

"Make a list of things, talk to him, ask him what he wants."

"I'm not talking to myself! I'm not crazy!"

The rest of the drive was quiet, a weird tension had settled into the air and it wasn't planning to leave anytime soon. Kalki didn't treat him like he was made of glass, but at the same time she seemed to be thinking twice before she said anything.

"Burman, can I ask you something?" He broke the silence.

"Mhm." She nodded.

"Do you have a piece of yourself like this?" He asked.

"I do. I've been trying very hard to please her but lately all she's feeling is rage. Lots of it."

"Is she a teenager?" He snickered.

"Precisely. She's 15, angry and very confused."

"Confused about what?"

"I'm not talking to you about her!" Kalki frowned.

Oh. He felt a little insulted, he felt like he had opened up to her about something that even he hadn't completely realised yet, and she didn't even share a little bit about herself. Why did she wanted to stay so aloof and mysterious? What was she trying to do?

"Well it's raining in Antwerp again. All flights are delayed."

"When is it not raining in Antwerp?" He scoffed.

"Hey! Let's check off your first wish- time with friends."

"How?"

"I'll text Neel, you can spend some time with him." She suggested.

"It's a Monday... if he isn't in office I'd like to catch up."

"Perfect! He's eating lunch right now, he's going to take the rest of the day off."

Either Kalki was driving fast or there was actually not much distance remaining, in a matter of few minutes she was tearing down the rainy streets of the city, pedestrians cursing at her- she was definitely being rash.

"She's a rental please don't harm her." Max winced.

"Oh I wouldn't hurt her! She's a lovely." Kalki laughed.

Neel's happy face greeted him at the door, he gave him a hug and welcomed them into his apartment. Kalki made herself at home on his couch, laying down saying she was tired.

"How have you been Max?" He asked.

"Good! Confused as of late but good nonetheless." He smiled.

"So what would you like to do?"

"Video games duh!" Max laughed.

"Perfect! My console is set up but miss Sulky is fast asleep on the couch."

"Never mind then, we'll talk."

"Absolutely not! I have two bedrooms in this house she can sleep on a bed. Kalki go sleep in the guest room." He tickled her.

"Do that again I'll bite your hands off!" She yelled.

Still as wild as ever, Max chuckled. He felt like he was 10 again, he had come over after a day of karting to play with Neel. No hang out was complete without at least one incident of Kalki losing her cool.