Your Eyes Tell | Taekook

Chapter 9: Stranger With A Familiar Smell

The first thing I did after I left Taehyung's house was to see Sean. I wasn't thinking straight and I didn't care about my dad and his stupid rules. I asked Jimin to drop me to Sean's place and with much hesitation, he did.

I wanted to forget about what I had seen. That little girl that was his daughter. His wife who must be somewhere inside that very house. It was embarrassing to want a man you can't have. I wanted to forget all about it so I let Sean fuck me that night.

I asked him to not hold back and he didn't. He made me kneel on the bed and pushed my head to the pillow and pounded into me until I was a screaming mess. Why can't I just do with Sean? Why did I have to imagine it was Taehyung doing those things to me? Why is it that when I feel Sean's dick inside me, I want it to be Taehyung's?

"Are you okay, beautiful?", he pulled me into his arms after he was done.

I nodded, avoiding making any eye contact with him.

"You usually smile a lot if you like it. You are frowning now. You are making me doubt my performance here", he laughed and I just couldn't deal with this anymore. I got up instantly to get dressed and leave.

"Baby, hey", he pulled me to him when he watched me leaving the room. "Is it something I did?", he asked me and I didn't know what to say. It wasn't him. It was me who was being stupid.

"What are you talking about, Sean?"

"You are leaving, Jungkook. Right after we had sex. I can't help but think that I pissed you off. Did I hurt you? Did I do something? Are you mad at me? What is it?"

"Well, I just need to go home you know? My dad grounded me. Remember?", I reminded him. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wanted to let Sean fuck me and help me forget all about my visit to Taehyung's place and at the same time I felt immensely guilty for using Sean like that. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't Taehyung's fault either for having a wife and child. It was my fault. My fault for not being good enough for Taehyung or honest enough to Sean.

"You look like you need to talk to someone", Sean observed. "You could talk to me you know?"

"Sean, you are one of the good men I have dated. You deserve so much better. I am sorry." That's all I could bring myself to say to him before I left.

Maybe, I should learn to be happy with what I had instead of what I couldn't have. Taehyung wasn't for me. I should stop thinking about him and focus on Sean who looked like he cared about me more than just enough to have sex. But then again, I had this habit of leaving men who show the slightest hint that they care about me. This was my toxic trait. I don't want to commit. This thing called commitment scares me.

When I was back home, I had to face my father. I was expecting to be scolded and an ugly fight but that didn't happen. Apparently, Jimin had covered up for me and told dad that I was going to be at his place. When I was in my bed, I wanted to call Taehyung and tell him it was me at his doorsteps this evening. The man didn't deserve to be scared shitless not knowing who stood at his doorsteps when his 4 year old opened the door to a stranger. He deserved to know that his child was not in harm's way and it was just me and I just wanted to apologise. He also ought to know that I was too cowardly to apologise.

It was true. I wasn't the bravest man you'd find. I decided against calling. It was better if Taehyung never finds out who had his heart broken at his doorstep this evening.

I tossed my phone aside and tried to sleep. I dreamt of that little girl that night. The 4 year old daughter of Taehyung and then in my dreams, it was suddenly me in her place. A four year old me. There was no Taehyung around but there was my mother. I dreamt of my mother and me. I felt lucky to have her around and to be loved by her. It was lucky to have a mother. I hoped that little girl was also as lucky as I had been when I was four so she doesn't turn out like me when she grows up. I hoped Taehyung was a better father than the one I had.