Save Your Tears - Ethan Torchio

Prologue

I laid in the sofa outside of the Måneskin's recording room for third hour. I was mad, there was no denying. My boyfriend, Ethan, had promised to not stay as long as he had done in the last days. But that seemed a downright lie.

  I hung my leg over the arm-holder and made myself comfier. Suddenly my back hurt incredibly and I straightened up. Tear fell down my cheek. Past moments swim into my mind as they often did.

I had gotten away from my abusive partner after years of abuse just few months ago. The pain in my back was only one reminder of his hard punches and kicks, not talking about the mental wounds, the one's that wouldn't heal.

I had moved away from our common place at Milan to Rome and started over on my own, all alone in the big city. My parents had moved to Spain after I moved to my own few years ago. I hadn't talked to anyone about my partner, and didn't told to my parents I ran away from him so he couldn't find me for revenge.

I had clutched my things in the house one night he had left me alone, bruises in my hands and back and when he left to bar. I couldn't keep on anymore, I run away and took flight to Rome.

  I deleted all social media's and rent a home in Rome. I lived alone for six months in total until bumped to Ethan by accident. He was all of the opposite from Franco, my ex. While he had been dark haired, confident looking man, who never smiled, Ethan was very kind-looking and humble man with adorable smile.

  I had had trust issues over everything, but with Ethan, I had started to feel safer. Some normal things still set me in whole panic mode which I tried to hide from everyone. It had went well, whole band hadn't noticed my sudden flinches and rapid heart beat in the moments like someone approaching me or sudden hand moments, or so I told myself.

  Hardest person of the band to handle had been Damiano. His short hair looked a lot like Franco's and his sudden hand movements scared me, but he truly was a really loving person. I just forced myself to face him, and by time it had gotten easier. The sudden hand moves were just raw memory of what had happened.

  No one knew about my struggles, or, actually, Ethan knew a little bit if I was critical. It had slipped from my mouth by accident. I wanted to keep it to myself. As long as it wasn't said aloud, it'd be easier, it'd be unreal.

  I had been on a walk with him and he had asked me if I was originally from Rome. I had told him I moved from Milan to leave my boyfriend behind. He had looked at me worriedly but I said no more. Why wouldn't I leave my boyfriend by normal reasons too? I never knew did he notice my sudden fears and figure something out, but at least I pretended he didn't.

  Ethan also had wanted to go further with me. But all I could manage was to lay in the bed with him. First time he suggested it, I stuttered something and ran off to smoke, him soon following me, in the dark I hadn't seen his face. He hadn't talked about that either. We just laid there on each others arms every night.

  Sudden wave resentment hit me. Did he care at all after all? Like this time, he had promised their recording was going to be short, but it seemed not to be. I got up and kicked the chair in frustration and the door of the recording room opened.

  Ethan was first to approach, rest of the band following him. He gave me a smile and come over to hug me but I stepped back, getting surprised from his quick approach. His bright, loving smile dropped. I raised my head.

  "What took you so long?" I asked in a skeptical way. I didn't know what they had been doing these days. Usually Ethan talked very eagerly about their recordings, but now he had turned very mysterious about them. It raised bit of a jealousy in me.

  Ethan looked at me confused.
  "I SAID WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?" I shouted, despair filling my mind. Was there anyone for me?

Ethan froze and just watched me in shock, Damiano, Victoria and Thomas sharing worried looks behind him.
  "We were recording bella, I'm sorry it took so long" he said softly with a small smile on his face.

  "How... did it... take so.. long?" I gasped for air my anxiety took away. I didn't know what was going on my mind at all. I didn't want this. I didn't know what I wanted.

  "We are recording! You'll see soon!" he raised his voice a bit, still keeping himself political.
  "Why can't you tell now?! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?" I screamed in despair, tears falling my eyes. My heart sting as it was breaking. I was overreacting but I had finally got enough.

  Ethan's eyes widened.
  "What I'M hiding? What are YOU hiding?" he rose his voice more and threw his hands around. His anger was scary to watch, he kept himself very calm and collected while he was storming inside.
  I swallowed hard, my head swam. I staggered and grabbed the wall to support myself, we had never argued, and I didn't ever want to see this day.

  Damiano broke the line they were standing on and approached me.
  "Y/n? Are you okay?" he said with a low, soft voice. He reached his hand out to touch me but my eyes flashed in fear and I backed in the wall. Leaving Damiano completely dumbfounded, his hand hung in air before dropping in his side.

  Damiano stared at me and I saw rest of the band taking a step closer too. My breath trembled in my chest.
  "Y/N WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Ethan shouted behind Damiano, pain tearing his voice. Damiano stepped out of the way slowly and Ethan got closer in a sudden movement I couldn't manage.

My eyes widened in pure terror, my back was against the wall and my legs were giving in.
   "You fucking whore, you deserve this, you know?" Franco's voice echoed in my head as flashback hit me.
  Ethan was about grab me but Damiano stood next to him, holding him back by the back of his shirt.

"We should break up.." I whispered briefly, my voice broken.
  "Oh? That's what you think? Feel free to get hell out of here!!" Ethan screamed with tears falling down his face too. I knew he didn't mean it, but maybe he'd be better without me and my traumas.

  My legs were giving in and my breath stopped.
   "No.. DON'T, PLEASE" I shouted with tears in my face when Ethan's hand raised a bit in front of me. I almost fall down when I took a step in the side, trying to desperately grab the outdoor handle. My numb fingers found it and I ran off to the street.

I turned my head just in time to see the door hanging open and Ethan's legs giving in as he fell on the ground around his bandmates.

  And I never came home again.

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