Save Your Tears - Ethan Torchio

I

The streets were empty, only rubbish was rolling around the wet streets. It had been raining for days, and there was no end for it. It mirrored my thoughts pretty well.

It had been few months, I had really lost track in time, since I left Ethan fall on his knees in his own studio after breaking his heart and running away. No explanations. No goodbyes. But maybe it was better this way.

I rested my cheek on the cold window. It felt somehow comforting, just like the darkness outside. There was an empty hole in me.

After the fight I had ran all way to my apartment, took the most necessary with me with heart beating in my chest like never before and paid for airport hotel and jumped into the plane in the very next morning. I hadn't met Ethan or anyone after it, I was scared he would appear in our apartment but he didn't.

I had taken my place on Florence. It was beautiful city, good place to start over. And that's where I stayed.

*

I was out of money, which was a bad situation to start with. I had rented an apartment after some searching in the edge of the city. I had no car but where would I need it, everything was close enough to walk.

The house was small, just enough for a one person to live, but definitely not too big. I stared outside, completely off of my mind.

It happened quite often. My heart had broke that day. I find the one for me and went and broke everything apart. The pain I carried was incredible. I knew I wouldn't go back. It'd be stupid, it'd seem like a pitiful act to get him back.

I wanted him back. But I didn't want anything good in my life. It never lasted, and I didn't deserve it after what I had done to the ones who loved me.

I felt exhausted. I hated being alone. It forced me to live in my own head, with all the memories. Mostly the bad ones.

I got up from the window and walked to the fridge. I knew I had to eat at some point but it felt like it was smallest thing to worry.

It was empty. Completely. In fact, I didn't know when was the last time I had been shopping. I would do it tomorrow, I promised in my head. I should look for a job also.

It was hard to keep motivated in anything. I had lost the only people who cared about me. I hadn't opened my phone at all. It was locked, and I had no reason to open it. I deleted all social medias once again. I wanted to change my phone number to cut all off but easier opinion was to just shut the whole phone.

I walked to my bed and dive in between the blankets, deciding to sleep to the next day. The day I should find a job, at least temporary.

I sighed and took out my laptop. Stress over finding a job was taking over and I decided to search for available jobs in Florence. I wasn't very educated in anything particular so I think café or restaurant would do.

I scrolled on the website I found. There was hundreds of available jobs in cafés near me. I took piece from my diary to write them down before I realized I really held my diary.

My heart ached. It was from Ethan, full of memories with him. Tear rolled down my cheek on the silky paper. I skipped the pages full of happy times and turned to empty sheet. Pen shaking in my hand as I placed it on the paper.

I wrote the shaky date on the top corner but stopped in the first row. I sat on my bed with only my top and shorts on and held the diary in my hands like it was fragile.

I wrote just nonsense in the empty paper, like a young girl writing about the day. Soon enough the paper was full of messy thoughts and tears.

"Mi sento come un peso e prima o poi mi spezzerà..."

Italian looked pretty in the paper, silky sheets full of tears and pain. I slowly got up, letting the diary fell on the floor. The moon was already shining to my lonely room.

I walked to the shower and slowly washed myself in soothing dark lighting. I stepped out of shower when my eyes fell on the on my shaver on the table.

I reached out for it and the blade slide in my hands. My thoughts were blurry and I placed it on my thigh, sliding the sharp blade down.

I never done it before, it didn't need a lot to make warm blood run down slightly. I made few cuts before getting up from the bathroom floor and placed the blade away.

I didn't know why I did it. My brain felt blurry and tear rolled down my cheek as I took last steps to my bedroom and fell on bed.

I felt guilty when I wrapped bandage around the wounds. When did all go so wrong? I picked up the diary and placed it on the nightstand, hugging the blanket against me wishing it was someone I'd love.

It was weird. I knew I couldn't get back to Rome, but something inside me longed there. Florence was beautiful, but not a place for me. But I had to get along, my life in Rome never happened.

***

Excited abt thiss! Leave votes and comments bebs, i love u <3