lovely Leslie

chapter thirteen

I wanted to go back. But would it be that easy? I don't know if I could tell my family goodbye forever. I seen my mother and ran to her. "Martha! I'm so glad you're back! I've been so worried! I should give you a lashing for not writing me! You look different!" My Mom said squeezing me. How did I look different? Dad gave me a brief squeeze and my sisters tackled me. My father said,"Girls get up now. Don't bombard Martha! I need you two to go back attending the cattle!" my sisters hurried off and Bobby came walking around. "Martha, I'm glad to see you. Do you need help carrying in you're stuff?" He asked. I nodded and he brought my luggage inside. I placed them in my plain small room. Mom was bustling around the kitchen when I walked in. "You look like you need a bath. I'll draw some water and heat it up for you," she said then looked around. No body was in here but us. "So, how is Mary doing?" She whispered. I smiled and replied, "She works at a hospital taking care of injured people needing help. She has her own place and isn't married." She smiled and patted my cheek gently. I knew mama would get into trouble for asking. "So, I had to rearrange your welcoming back since you came back early. Tonight all the children are getting together at the barn yard. I want you to go and dress your best. we've talked to johns father and he has agreed upon the arrangement. You will be with him tonight do you hear me? no more running off with the girls. Its time to grow up my dear, become a woman."

I sighed inside... I just got back and she's already taking about my marriage. John was from the main grower here so he was a perfect match. an hour later I got into the tub and manna washed me. "Soon, you will be doing this for you're husband and children," she said. I asked,"Mama, do you ever get tired of it?" She paused a second and continued washing my hair. "I'm going to tell you something. A secret. You're father never has his rumspringa, but I did. I didn't venture too far away. I experienced the electricity, everything. It was amazing, but when I came back I realized how lazy it made people. How much people put less effort into everything. I don't want that life. I like this here. Taking care of my family the natural and proper way."

I listened and understood what she was saying, but she didn't fall in love like I did. We were all dressed and my father dropped us off at the barn. "You girls behave," he said. As soon as I climbed out of the buggy, John came up to me. "Hello Martha. I'm glad you came back home. Would you like to walk in with me and dance?" He said. I gulped and agreed.

Everyone was dancing but not the way I got use to. I danced the grape vine with John and we sat down in the hay. "So, how was it?" He asked. "John, you know we're not suppose to talk about it," I said looking away. What was I suppose to say? I drank, had sex with a man, had sex with a woman, and fell in love?

"I know, I'm just curious. My father doesn't want me to go," he said quietly. I grabbed his hand and took him to the back. "It was amazing. The water was inside the house and came out warm automatically. The cars are so much better than buggies. you can buy food already cooked for you. The electricity... The people were so much different. The clothing is more comfortable and everyone has more than three pieces of clothing. They have a hole closet full," I said in a hurry.  His eyes grew wide. 

'They have warm water?? LIke it doesn't have to be heated up??" he asked.  I nodded and giggled.  He leaned into me and kissed me.  I pulled away and said, "YOu never asked my permission!"  His face grew red with embarrassement.  "I;m sorry Martha, your'e right.  I didn't mean to over step any boundaries with you," he said.  "It's ok, John.  I didn't mean to be rude.  You may kiss me," I said feeling bad.  He leaned in again and gently kissed me on the lips.  It felt nothing like Leslie's kisses.  I felt nothing at all.  I was going to be married and feel this for the rest of my life.  He pulled away and sighed, "That was way better than I was anticipating!"  I smiled poiltely at him and we walked back up to the front.  My sister Bonnie ran up to me and pulled on my hand.  "Come on sissy!!!  I want a drink of water!"  I smiled at her and followed her over to the table where they had water already poured into cups. I grabbed her one and handed it to her.  "Sissy?  You are staying right??" she asked.  How was I going to explain to my five year old sister I wasn't going to ever see her again?? 

  I needed to make up my mind, and fast.  I told her to go dance with Benjamin and she giggled running off.  "You are staying right?"  I turned around and seen my other sister, Betty behind me.  She was only a year younger than I.  I looked at her, debationg what to say.  "Martha??" she asked.  "I-I-" i stuttered.  Her eyebrows furrowed together and ran off.  Shit... I knew she was going to go tattle to mother and father.  I ran after her to stop her, but seen it wasn't my parents she ran to.  She was telling our older sister, Shirley.  I stopped dead in my tracks as I seen her march over to me.  She grabbed my arm and pulled me outside.  "What is this Betty mentioned you never said you were staying??" she asked.  I sighed and ran my sweaty palms down my dress.  "I never said I wasn't either," I mummbled.  "Martha Littlejohn!  You will not do this to mother and father, nor our sisters.  You will take up your responsibility and get married and accept the church.  Do you hear me??" she argued.  "Why can't I decide for myself? Why must you always tell me what I will do? You are not my mother.  You are my sister!" I argued back.. "Are  you yelling at an elder? I told mother she should'nt have let you go.  I am glad I never went.  I am happy that I stayd.  I am happily married and with child.  What caught your eye so badly that you wish to leave your family behind?" she asked placing her hands on her hips. 

  "I-..nothing, noone.." I mumbled.  "It's a boy isn;t it? Martha May!   You fratinized with another male when you knew you'd be coming back and getting married??" she asked appauled.  I wanted to tell her she was wrong in so many ways.  I didn't fratinize, I fell in love, and with a girl not a boy!  "I didn't do anything wrong!  I like him..." I was lying out my teeth.  "Martha, listen to me.  You must tell noone this do you hear me?  Even if for some unGodly reason you turn down John,  you must understand.  If you tell anyone you met someone outside of our community you will never have an offer for your hand again," she said.  "What about Bobby?  He has liked me since day one," I pointed out.  "Bobby?  Bobby is a pour man.. He is our fathers farm hand and he lives in the stable!  That is not a suitable husband.  John is perfect for you.  You two will have beautiful children and carry out his name," she said and walked off.  I wanted to flip my sister off and tell her to go to hell.

  John walked up to me and said, "What are you doing out here?"  Upset, I said, "None of your business!"  I stomped off inside the barn and hid.  I wanted to jsut go home and climb into bed.  Around 9:00 p.m. our parents showed up to pick us up.  "Did you dance with John?" mother asked.  "Yes ma'am I did.  We did the grape vine," I answered.  "That's the only time you danced?? What were you doing for two hours?" she asked.  I sighed and said, "Shirley pulled me away and felt the need to scold me."  "What was Shirley scolding you for? What have you done?" she asked worried.  "I haven't done anything mama.  She was just worried about me.  Making sure I was ok," I quickly said.  We got home and was sent to bed.