Once, forever (unsure fate)

One - Prologue

Search for A magnificent gray - Slow meadow on spotify for the best effect.

Warning, this won't be a happy chapter, I cried while writing it.

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(Five years ago)

I stare at the diagnostic in my hands, fingers shaking as I take in the words written on the paper.

Lung cancer stage 3.

Chance of survival?

23%.

I bring a hand to my mouth as tears start rolling down my cheeks, because of all the things to happen to me, it had to be a terminal illness?

"I know the numbers are scary, but this is a general number, we'll have to do more advanced scans, but if we can find out exactly where it started, we could do more to control the tumor, and while healing is not guaranteed, we expect for you to have around five more years in front of you if we act fast enough" the doctor explains, as if this is meant to comfort me.

Five years? How the hell am I supposed to tell Jin and Namjoon that I'm expected to die in five years?

I let the paper fall on the desk and start scratching my arm, scars catching under my nails because I always scratch the same spot, a nervous tick, all the drug doesn't help, I'm a ball of nerves, especially when my two boyfriends are not by my sides.

They always know how to calm me but this time... this is beyond anything they could deal with.

If they were to learn that I have lung cancer and that I am almost certain to die from it, what would they do? I can't expect anything good out of this, it would break them, they wouldn't recover from it, never.

"I would recommend scheduling to start the treatment as soon as possible, there's no time to waste since it's at an already advanced stage, every days count. Do you have anyone you would like to call over? We can take a moment to look at the procedures together, I can answer any questions you have with them".

I scratch with more intensity until the scar peels off, I barely register the pain as I shake my head, no, I can't possibly get them into this, they can't find out about this.

"No, I'm all alone".

The doctor purses his lips and nods his head. "Alright, in that case, we do offer a program that would allow you to stay at a center so you can get help in monitoring your health, you did say that you have drug and alcohol addictions, I thank you for your honesty on such a sensitive matter.

It's going to be very important that you put a stop to them, your survival depends on the decisions you make as well as your will to fight so any help you can get, I would recommend you to get it while it's available. Places are always limited but I've been notified recently that they have one free room, I can reach out to them if you're interested".

A center filled with dying people, that does sound good for my moral...

At least, the two loves of my life wouldn't have to see me whither in front of them, and I really do need all the help I can get, I want to stop this sick life that we've been living for so long, it's... fuck, it's literally killing me.

"It must be expensive, right?" I ask the doctor who sighs, it's a sound that lets me know that yes, it's indeed expensive, but my life is worth more than debts.

"I won't lie, miss Y/N, yes, it's not on the cheap side, but everything is covered, food, electricity, you could get health care on site and they do offer entertainments but most importantly, you wouldn't be alone. Many people would beg to have that chance, fighting cancer alone... not many survive it in such conditions".