Corpse Bride || Haitani Brothers/OC

30 - lovers part (ii.)

I open my eyes to a bright morning, and already I wanted to crawl into the nearest dark place there is—a grave perhaps. it was just funny how the sun still had the audacity to shine when mere moments before it rose, some of us on earth had the most terrible nights of our lives.

and why was my night terrible? I could only ask myself.

why would I think that? terrible didn't belong in my world anymore, the world Ran had made for me. the world that is him, that is us.

I search for him in the heap of the covers and am met with the coldness of his absence.

"Ran."

my throat is hoarse, like I'd swallowed nails before sleeping. my eyes stung. my head hurts. my chest hurts—no, my heart was just throbbing.

"Ran."

where is he? and where are my good morning kisses?

before I knew it tears rolled down my cheeks and I grit my teeth. what in the world. to cry first thing in the morning—it's a nightmare to be in this much agony. the bounds of sleep had robbed me of my senses and half my memories, but my heart was already alive and remembering and feeling.

I move to wipe my eyes.

*right, Ran had killed my brother.*

my palms felt like they'd been split in slits. I look at them and find they were neatly bandaged. Ran was always neat and precise and careful and perfect in everything—the small things especially. he knew how to tie my hair and wash it like it was delicate. he knew how to cure me when I was sick and he knew how to hold me in ways I would melt.

he knew how to speak love like it had never been spoken.

he knew how to keep secrets.

I cried and mourned harder as the realization hit me. he was never truly happy—he couldn't have been.

and I feel more pieces of myself get lost as I wallow in pity. I pitied us tremendously. if I were a little bit stronger, maybe I wouldn't be racing to the closets right now, changing my clothes and gathering my wallet and phone.

if I were stronger, I wouldn't be out our bedroom door in a flash, eyes not once looking at the balcony or our bed where so much of our memories have been engraved.

"where's Ran?" I'd asked the maid that passed me.

"he left about an hour ago."

I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I didn't even need to be strong, I just needed to be averagely stable to have the courtesy and wait for his return. but I don't have such luxury; three men plagued my mind.

my brother, my lover, and his brother.

I don't know why I was mad at all three. I don't know if I was even mad at them or at myself, I was just frustrated that once again the world had robbed me off a dream. Ran was the first real thing I felt. the first dream I had that also existed in my reality.

and then reality was actually different, I had been dreaming all along. this, whatever this hellhole of unfairness and hurt is—this was and always has been my reality. to trust was a dream, to love was a dream, and Ran—

Ran was a lie.

I found it finally, the rare fragment of anger that I can't seem to find anymore. but it was here and I was feeling it right now. it made me feel stronger in a sense that I could still walk and breathe and not kill myself.

I walk past the room Rin had been staying in and my anger intensified. I walk into the living room, I lay eyes on the one single picture frame we had in our home. a picture of us in Ella's wedding. I held a bouquet, and he didn't need to hold anything to be beautiful. he just held me by my waist.