Unworthy

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Kathy's POV

In life, there are always decisions that need to be made, choices that result in consequences, either good or bad. Watching my mate ran towards the fight as I was being driven to safety unearthed tragic memories, the feeling of the bond snapping, being powerless to stop it, I could not let it happen again. I could not sit and do nothing, the feeling of hopelessness, the emptiness I felt in those two years, believing that it was fate, I resigned to it, I had my chance at love, embracing the future that lay ahead of me. But the unexpected happened, the empty void has now been filled by new love and a threat to this love filled me with dread leading me to make unwise decisions.
I could not resign myself to sit and wait for him to come back or worse to feel my heart being ripped apart. Despite his protests, I commanded David to stop, transforming into my Wolf and running towards the fight, I had to keep him safe. I need him to be alive, for I know that I will not be able to live through another heartbreak.
As a result of my decision, Michael raged at my carelessness, I did not think of the danger I put myself in, I did not think of him or my  son, my son, my little miracle. How could I not think of him? Am I selfish?
Now I have made a promise which I must keep, I pray to the goddess that we will never be attacked again but this is a prayer that I cannot fault the goddess if she does not answer, for I know that peace in our world is impossible. I instead pray for strength to be able to make the right decision the next time we are under attack.
"Good evening Luna, how are you?" I stop in my movement to see Bernice walking towards me.
"Evening Bernice, am fine thank you dear, how are you?" I ask while standing in the pathway leading to the pack clinic. After my talk with Michael, I decided to check on the wounded, I advised him to cool down first before the meeting or else he lash out at his own pack.
"I am fine Luna, are you on your way to the clinic? Of course you are, this is the only road that leads there. I am also on my way there to see Lea, she was scratched up a bit but she should be fine you know with our ability to heal faster" she says as she nibbles at a finger nail,  "the damn rogues cannot just leave us in peace, we never hunt them down, they can literally live where ever they want but nooooo...let's wait outside a park border and attack. What is..."
"Bernice come down, who knows what goes through the mind of a rogue but everyone is fine" I say as I grab her left hand and remove her right hand from her mouth before she bites through skin and place them in mine "Everything is going to be fine" giving her hands a squeeze, her chest rises and falls, breathing in and out "feeling better?"she nodes smiling  as she releases a long breathe "good, now let's go"
I move one foot in front of the other in an apprehensive manner as pack members respectively bow their heads as I pass although I feel I am not worthy.
I fear that the pack has seen my incapabilities as Luna, I failed to ensure that my people were safe, not trusting their Alpha and the  people who have trained their whole lives to defend them, Leaving behind  their mates, children and parents believing that I will make sure they are safe. I failed in my duty as Luna.
"Welcome Luna" Dr Williams says as he shakes my hand, anxious to see her sister, Bernice walks ahead of me while I keep in step with Dr Williams, he leads me to a large room with a few hospital beds where I spot warriors being attended to by the nursing staff.
"How are they?" I ask as I gaze upon the warriors
"They are healing well, there wounds were not that deep, we only had to clean them up to prevent infection" Dr Williams says. I approach the warriors and their families , offering them words of gratitude, thanking them for being courageous and fearless in the face of danger.
On my way back to the pack house, I meet Chris who puts on a smile hoping to guise the despair I see in his eyes, his face red and blotchy  with bloodshot eyes.
"Luna" his voice cracking eyes cast  down, shoulders slumped. I know Chris blames himself for what happened.
"Chris, it is not your fault, they attacked in large numbers and their force was unprecedented  but you still lead the fight and managed to push them back, the pack is safe because of your actions"
"I know you are saying that just to make me feel better, but the truth is I failed in my duty as Beta, the rogues have been attacking for a while now and I should have expected the attack, should have been well prepared. Alpha told me to double the number of warriors on patrols but I didn't, I didn't " tears stream down his face as he grips his hair "I failed, how am I going to face him? I don't deserve to be Beta"
" No! Chris look at me" I place a hand on his shoulder "we all make mistakes, we all make choices that may seem right at the moment but come to regret them later on, yes you made a mistake, learn from it, be better. You can be better because you are a good Beta"
"Thank you Luna" he says as he runs a hand over his face to wipe away the tears. I wave my hand dismissively "it is no problem"
"Wow, this is embarrassing" he smiles sheepishly
" No its not, it's normal to cry, there is nothing to be ashamed of".
"Pack meeting in five minutes" Michael addresses all pack members through mindlink
"Well, time for my execution" Chris says, rolling my eyes at his bad joke.
"Come on, let's go."