Unworthy

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

Kathy's POV

I walk along the dirt path with my son wrapped in my arms, the noise of the party has since died down. I was looking forward to an opportunity to dance with my mate during the party but he had suddenly disappeared, finding out from Chris that he had a meeting with the former Alpha. And so I waited, sitting on a picnic chair hoping that the meeting would end soon.
After waiting for about an hour, I tried to mindlink him but I couldn't reach him, it seems that his barrier is up. So I  stood up from my sit intending to check up on him but was informed by Lea that he left the pack house and took the pathway leading to our home. According to Lea, he looked angry and pack members avoided any interaction with him. It seems like the conversation he had with his father was not good.

I enter our house and walk straight up to my son's room to tuck him in bed, he had a good time today, it's been a long time since I have seen him this happy, its wonderful to see. He was so excited on the number of presents he received, I will need to make sure that his presents are delivered to our house tomorrow.

Upon entering our bedroom, I see Michael laying on top of the covers with his left hand draped across his face. The room is being illuminated by a lamp on the side of the bed,  it is easy to tell that he is not asleep judging from his erratic heartbeat and the fact he is still wearing the clothes he wore to the party, he loves to sleep naked. 
"Hey" I say. He removes his arm from his face
"Hi beautiful" he says with a forced smile on his face.
"You left the party early, did something happened?" I ask while taking off my shoes
"Yeah, I had a meeting with my dad, we finished late so I decided to come straight home, am sorry I didn't tell you earlier" wrapping his arms around me from behind, trailing kisses on my neck and sucking on my mark eliciting a moan from me.
"Wha..., what was the meeting about?" I say as he moves his hand up to cup by left breast, he is clearly trying to distract me but I will not be easily swayed.
"Nothing important" he whispers in my ear, tilting my head up, he leans in to touch his lips with mine, I lean in to respond to the kiss.
"St- op, I know you are trying to distract me" I lean back, move out his hold then turn around to face him
"Distract you from what?" he smirks
"Michael, what did you and your father talk about?" 
"Nothing that concerns you Kathy"
"It concerns me because I am your mate Michael, I know when you are lying to me, just tell me what happened, clearly something happened that made you upset enough to leave your sons party"
"Who told you I was upset?" he asks as he stares at me
"It doesn't matter who told me and stop changing the subject" my voice rises "Is there anything going on in the pack that I should know about? I am your Luna, Michael, I am co-ruler of this pack, I am not some ordinary pack member"
"I don't want to talk about, now drop it" he says gruffly.                     

"You are behaving like a child do you know that?" I rub my face in exasperation, I turn to walk away when my body is suddenly pulled back and turned so fast that my front upper body hits into his hand chest. Bright blue eyes turn dark as he bends his neck to reach my eye level which makes me shrink back bending my back a bit. His over 6 foot, his frame easily towers over mine.
"Child? I am behaving like a child" he squeezes my arm
" Michael, le...let go, you are hurting me" placing my hand on top of his in a futile attempt to remove his fingers. His chest rises, inhaling my scent, he let's go then my body falls back landing on the bed. I sit up straight rubbing my sore arm.
" You want to know what's going on?" he shouts "What's happening is that my father what's to know when we are going to have a baby " I freeze in my spot "he is worried because you are still not pregnant and he wants us to consider surrogacy as an option" he growls. I knew that this day was coming, I guess it was the elephant in the room Michael and I always tried to avoid at times but we were always going to circle back to it.
"Do you want that?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper as I recoil at his outburst.
"What, Do I want what?" his face puzzled
"Surrogacy" My eyes are now bright with unshed tears " Do you. Should we consider surrogacy as an option"
"No, I told my father that we will have our child naturally, you will carry our baby, and not any other woman"
"This is all my fault" tears now freely stream down my face as I sob, Michael kneels Infront of me placing his hands on the sides of my face using his thumbs to wipe away the tears
"No, it's not, it's mine. I am sorry Beautiful, I shouldn't have lashed out on you like that, I am so sorry, that's why I didn't want to talk about it because I knew it would end up hurting you"
"You don't understand, I am the one with the problem, it's me, It's so unfair to you that you are stuck with me" I say in a hoarse voice
"Don't say that, nothing is wrong with you, you are a blessing to me. The doctor said we are both healthy, it's no one's fault. Everything will work out. Trust me. Trust us" he grabs my hands placing kisses on my palms "I love you Kathy, never doubt that" he says looking into my eyes. I should be relieved hearing those words, feeling the love radiating from him should be enough to sate my fears but it's not.
"You shouldn't have tried to hide it from me"
"I know, I know, am so sorry" he says as he wraps his arms around me in a tight hug. The truth hurts but it is better to know the truth than to be blissfully happy living a lie. His father has every right to be concerned about us not being able to have a child because it affects the future of his pack.

In the morning, Michael and I barely exchange any words, breakfast is mostly spent in silence. Later, he goes to his office to tend to his Alpha duties with Vincent, something about father son bonding. I head straight to my mother's flat where I tell her all about my argument with Michael which she listens to in silence.
"Michael and I barely spoke to each other in the morning, now I don't know what to do" Mum continues to stare at me taking a sip from her tea
"Well, why are you not saying anything?" I ask arms folded sinking further into the couch. My mum is the only one I trust to give me good advice, she is my best friend.
"This was bound to happen, Michael is a wolf honey, an Alpha, he needs a pup to continue his bloodline"
"I know that mum, it's my fault that he can't be a father"
"It's not your fault honey, don't say that, you told me that Dr Williams said that you were both healthy on your last check up".
"Do you think surrogacy is a good idea?" I ask
"You are half human and half wolf, an Alpha female, the question you need to ask yourself is if your wolf will let another woman carry her pup".
An Alpha female runs the pack along side the Alpha male to ensure that the pack is protected, most importantly, she is responsible for bearing pups for the Alpha. So, no,I will not sit by and watch another wolf carry my pup. I will not be able to bear it.