Get A Room!

~:*:~ Sixty-Three ~:*:~

Bright

Last night, I just couldn't handle all the lovely things Jedson was saying about love.

And when he kissed me?! Well, I simply wasn't ready for that! Or more accurately, I wasn't ready for the floodgate of emotions that followed. I was fooling myself all this time, coming up with excuses to keep Jedson at a distance despite my obvious attraction to him. Because he was right: I did enjoy the kiss, and I wanted to do it again.

So does that mean I love him back?

That thought scared me, so I did what I always do: I made a run for it.

Yes, I left Jedson in the freezer. I wanted to get a strong head start back to Massey so I could lock myself in my room alone. If I let him out myself, he'd just follow me back and never leave my side. So I left the kitchen to find one of the seniors. I told the guy that in about fifteen minutes, Jedson would have a batch of brownies ready for him to pick up as a thank you for letting us play around in their kitchen. Jedson would surely hear the senior enter and make a fuss by banging against the freezer door. So his rescue was all planned out, and I ensured my solitude for the remainder of the night to work out my feelings.

I didn't get a lot of sleep. At first it was because I was anxiously waiting to see if Jedson would come to my room and demand entry. But given the late hour, I assumed he just went back to his own room to spare my neighbours another ruckus.

I tossed and turned the rest of the night, waking up every hour or so to replay the whole evening and its meaning in my head again. By 6am, I just gave up on sleep entirely and resorted to pacing the room in contemplation.

I didn't want Jedson to be right; I didn't want to love him.

Because if he was right, then that made me feel like I was admitting to all the bullies here and in high school that they were right about me! If I suddenly admitted to liking a guy, then everyone back home would use it as proof that I was trying to steal their crushes and boyfriends away. And all the bullies here on campus would discredit anything Jedson or I said about him pursuing me, thus confirming their accusations that I pursued and tricked him. Basically if I fell for Jedson, I would lose this lifelong battle against my tormentors and my own sexual preferences. I was straight... not gay! That was my defense against them, and I had always stuck to it! I couldn't go against my choice now...

I couldn't love Jedson. I refused to give in.

It was about 7am when I finally made this decision. To ensure that I wouldn't go back on my choice, I bolted out of my room and set a course for Jedson's room so I could reject him outright.

I stopped at the end of his hallway when I saw Chace and Leona in front of his door. Chace was lightly knocking as Leona held her phone to her ear, frowning with concern as she waited in vain for a reply. When her gaze wandered down the quiet hallway to find me, she put her phone down and waved me over with a smile. I approached warily.

"Good morning, Pumpkin!" She greeted me in a low voice to not disturb Jedson's sleeping neighbours at such an early hour. "How are you feeling today? Are you here to see Jedson?"

"I'm fine, and yes... I need to talk to him."

"We were going to grab him for breakfast before our first class together. Care to join us? Or should Chace and I just leave Jedson to you?" She asked with a hint of suspicion in her voice.

I ignored her query, knowing full well what she was implying. Instead I turned my attention to Chace and asked, "Is he still asleep?"

Chace tried knocking again as he said, "He won't reply to any of our messages or phone calls," he knocked even louder to make his point as he continued, "and I doubt he'd be ignoring this, so I don't think he's home."