Get A Room!

~:*:~ Eighty-Seven ~:*:~

Nate

How could I fuck things up this badly?!

"Paxton, please don't move out! I love you so much, and I want to wake up to your face every morning! I know I can fix this if you just give me a chance. I promise I'll never do something so stupid again. I regretted it instantly because I could feel deep down that sex with anyone else will never feel right! Not just because our sexual chemistry is fucking amazing, but also because you're the only person I have a real emotional connection with! Please let me make this up to you! You can punish me however you want to, but just don't move out and say we're over!"

Paxton had been ignoring my pleas for the past twenty minutes as he moved his stuff from our room to Ian's room. It felt like I was talking to a brick wall, especially because his face remained blank the entire time. But I finally wore him down.

He dropped a box of school supplies and desk trinkets onto his new mattress more forcefully than necessary, and then he turned to address me.

"Nate, that's enough! There's nothing you can say that will change my mind."

"But why?! Is running away from me the best thing for you? Do you hate me that much?!"

"I don't hate you, Nate, even though I probably should. It's just that I can't trust you or the relationship that we've built because you've proven time and time again that one loving partner isn't enough for you..."

"I'm sorry I cheated, but she-"

"I'm not putting the blame entirely on you. Emma and I both took turns seducing you to steal you away from the other, but you still willingly went along with it each time. Even when you didn't cheat physically, you cheated emotionally. You kept Emma in your back pocket while you searched for your mystery girl, and then you began pushing me away so you could explore your potential with Emma again. It's like you always need a backup option in case your current relationship falls apart."

"That's not true! I'm happy with just one lover, Paxton, specifically if it's you. I've just been fucking up a lot these past few weeks because I was confused about my sexuality. I still don't know if I'm gay, bi-sexual, or whatever now... but I'm not afraid of these changes anymore! And I'm not afraid to love you. Can't you just give me a little leeway here?! Didn't you go through this when you found out that you're gay?! Wasn't it a lot to process?"

"It was... but I didn't go on a cheating spree to figure it out."

"I'M SORRY, OKAY?! I went about it the wrong way. I didn't seek out to hurt anyone; I just wanted to discover my truth, and I stupidly thought that this was the only path for me to do so."

He sat down on the edge of the barren mattress and placed his head in his hands, exhausted with the day and this never-ending fight.

"I'm sorry, Nate. I shouldn't be putting you down like this. Comparing your journey to my own isn't fair. I know that every outed LGBTQ+ person won't have the same story, and probably only a small percent had it as easy as I did. But I just can't help but be a little ticked off since I was involved in your process in a negative way. You had to hurt me to realize that you loved me, so you have to understand why it's so hard for me to forgive."

I sat down on the edge of Ian's bed so I could face him. "You're right. I'm asking too much of you right now. You should be mad and hold a grudge; forget about forgiveness until you're ready." I reached out to place a hand on his knee. "But PLEASE don't dismiss our relationship all together. Let me earn back your trust, okay? You can hate me all you like, but I'll still be loyal to you alone. It might take days, weeks, months, or even a year! I don't care how long I have to wait, because each day by your side is an opportunity to break down your walls so you can love me again."