forbidden ☆ seungkwan

[4.1] fallen behind

"Let's go, from the top of the break! Come on girls!" Chunseo's voice echoed in the large practice room. She was trying her hardest to be encouraging but you could tell she was getting frustrated.

The thing was, end of year award shows were coming up. The first of the year was only two weeks away and the choreography you were tasked with learning was more tiring and challenging than anything Boy/Girl had done before. You would be performing two songs with an exciting, fast-paced dance break in between. To be honest, the other girls were doing amazing. The performance wasn't perfect yet, but they had all the moves down already.

You, however, didn't.

You were trying your absolute hardest, pushing yourself and examining your every move in the mirror opposite you, focusing on every beat, every sound the music threw at you, but whenever the dance break came along you felt yourself slipping. You struggled to keep up with the others, and your moves became sloppy as the break went on. You knew this, and it was driving you insane. Guilt sat in the pit of your stomach as you dragged yourself back into position to start over.

You can do this, you just need to push yourself a little harder. Do it for the girls.

The music began, booming in your ears. You powered through, your eyes almost burning through the mirror in front of you as you stared yourself down. Things were going pretty good, better than before. You weren't slowing down, your limbs carrying out every motion gracefully without fault. That was, until your foot missed a beat. Then the other missed the next one. You looked down, regaining posture - but it was too late - you were now completely out of time. Behind, again. "Agh!" You exclaimed, traipsing out of formation as the others turned to look at you. Nao went to turn the music off as you buried your head in your hands. "Sorry." Was all you could say.

"Hana..." Chunseo said, placing a hand on your shoulder. "It's okay... we can try again, can't we?"

You brushed her hand off, avoiding eye contact. You didn't want anyone looking at you. "Actually, I think I need to stop. You guys carry on, I'm just going to take a walk."

"Are you sure?" Mina chimed in, a worried tone in her voice.

"Yeah... yeah I'm fine. I'll see you guys later." You said, speed-walking out of the practice room as you hair dangled over your face.

"Bye, Hana!" You heard Nao call after you. You instantly felt a pang of guilt over walking out like that. But it was incomparable to how bad you felt about messing up the choreo. Why can't I just be good at dancing. You sulked, meandering down the corridor, past the smaller practice rooms.

It was then that you noticed a soft voice echoing from one of the rooms in front of you. The door was open slightly, a pool of light shining through the gap and onto the floor in front. You immediately recognised the voice. Seungkwan. You breathed out. No, I won't go in. I probably look like cr*p after that practice session. Especially since I almost started crying. And that's not even mentioning the whole... ban. If I keep meeting up with him like this and it's just us two, who knows what will happen? I might get him in trouble. I might let Boy/Girl down even more. So I better leave n-

"Hana!" Surprise washed over you as you realise the soft voice wasn't singing anymore. It was calling your name... and coming from right in front of you. Seungkwan was stood at the practice room door, looking at you with those big eyes.

"Oh! Hi Sunbaenim!"

"I was wondering where you were. Did you want to practice singing together like we said?"

"Oh, yeah, of course." You quickly made you way into the room. It was one of the smallest rooms, about the size of a typical family living room. There was a square shaped wall-length mirror on one wall and the rest were plain. A table with two chairs and a laptop were pushed up against a corner and two mounted speakers looked down from above each side of the mirror. It was perfect for singing.

"This is my favourite room. It's nice and cozy."

"Yeah, it is, isn't it." You looked around.

"Hey... Hana?" Seungkwan suddenly leant forward, looking directly at you.

"Y-yes?" Your eyes widened, worried you had something on your face.

"Have you been crying?" Concern laced his voice.

"Oh, no! No, just... pollen allergies."

Seungkwan cocked his head. "Hana, it's 10pm at the end of October."

"Oh..." You bit your lip, mortified that Seungkwan was currently staring right at your teary face. But you didn't have to worry, as Seungkwan's face began to soften and he took your hand in his. So gentle, as always.

"It's okay, you can talk to me. If you're comfortable, of course."

Originally you had no plans of explaining the failure you'd just committed, but the way Seungkwan's warm brown eyes looked at you made you feel like he could see everything about you whether you liked it or not. It was scary, but also so, so freeing. You couldn't help but open your mouth and speak.

"I... I've fallen behind."

"What do you mean?"

"Boy/Girl... I can't keep up with the others anymore. I'm not as good as them."

"But, you're known as one of the best 4th gen vocalists! You won a rookie award for best solo performance in your debut year, remember?"

You felt your heart skip a beat, shocked to discover that Seungkwan even knew about that. It was 2 years ago anyway. "Y-yes, but I'm no good at dancing. There's no use me being in a kpop group with no dance skills."

Seungkwan stepped closer to you as he placed his other hand on top of yours. He was now cradling yours between his. It felt so warm, so caring. "Kpop can go without dance, but it can't exist without music. Either way, you're an amazing dancer. You're probably just in a very extreme group. I've seen you dance, you're a lot better than me!" He smiled, his eyes fixated on yours.

"No way! You're way better."

"Oh really?" He grinned cheekily, stepping back to perform a very rigid rendition of the Fear choreography. You burst out laughing as he moved.

"Okay, okay. You win."

"That's what I wanted to hear."

"Thanks, Sunbaenim." You smiled at him.

"Oh, by the way, you can drop the honourifics if you like. I think we know each other pretty well now, don't you think?"

The offer took you by surprise. "Y-yeah, sure, if that's okay with you."

"Of course it is, stupid. I suggested it!" He grinned, making you chuckle to once again. "To help with your dancing thing, I can get Chan to help you practice, if you'd like? He's a bit gentler than Soonyoung is when he teaches."

"Really? You think he'd help me?"

"Of course he would! He's the youngest, he does anything I say."

You chuckled once again. "Thank you... Seungkwan." It felt a little weird to call him by his first name, but you loved saying it. You'd always thought 'Seungkwan' was a beautiful name. Almost as beautiful as he was. Snap out of it, Hana, oh my god.