Today I woke up later since my lessons started later. I went by public bus and I listened to music the whole time. I was supposed to make s presentation about my music taste, which we didn't do. Pretty upsetting bc I was excited to flex my music taste.
When I got to school I was greeted by Martha. We studied a while b4 bio since we had a test. Then Claire appeared. I've been kinda pissed of by them and Nina. They were supposed to be my close friends but they end up always making me feel irrelevant. I should mention I've known Claire for longer so that yeah..
I sat next to Martha. She's always so nice and inviting. Genuinely peaceful, so sometimes I just rather stay with here.
After a few hours I get to my next class. By this time there's still no one there. Normally if I'm sitting, either Claire or Nina sit next to me, and then the other goes to the front or back. Well they entered to classroom, I made space on the table, and both of them pass by me and sit right in front of me leaving me alone again. They've been doing this for a while now and it makes me feel like absolute shit. I feel like if I'm just slightly depressed instead of people worrying about me, they avoid me. I guess it's the easiest choice. And i also forget that not everyone would do the same things I do.
After seeing them pretty much cuddling and being extremely nice to each other during the lesson, they ask me if I wanna go out to eat. I thought that I should. Again, the lesson ends and we're now outside, and obviously they go somewhere without me. Keep in mind that this never happens. We're supposed to be a trio. But I guess they enjoy their time better without me. After all I can't even take jokes anymore. It always has to upset me in some way.
School ended and we went to the bus. Everything is going fine. We're actually talking normally and it's going great.
After chosing what to eat and a few hours pass, they start talking to each other in the language they have in common (I'm a foreigner btw lol). Not the first time this happened obviously but I definitely can't say anything because I don't even know what.
We talked about how we should have a sleepover. Claire says that there's two months left until I leave the country. I said how that's enough time to have a sleepover. I said that with the most positive tone I could. Claire proceeds to say how that's only 8 weeks, and I say that's still a lot. So you know how people are sarcastic and all, well they both turn to me and start repeatedly telling me to leave. At first I laugh it of bc, good joke.... But then they keep telling me to leave. Me not being in a good mood and being already pissed of by them, I say that I actually would because I'm tired. After that they say that I should leave. I gathered that they meant the country, but honestly I would leave the restaurant too. I guess Nina could see that I was starting to get upset and honestly confused, so she says "you know we're joking right. i swear if i made that joke and the person actually left, i would be pissed". LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT. Lately I've been feeling like they're avoiding and I don't know why. I got to the conclusion that they're pretty immature and that they just don't care about what they do. The other conclusion is that they just don't care about me. They're behavior towards me has changed. That's why. Idk i guess I'm just jealous of how they're friendship has improved even tho Claire and I were pretty much best friends and now I can't really talk to them without having a moment in which is awkward.
After I got home I had dinner with my mom and my grandma. They left for a walk and I cried!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!
Now I'm just sitting and watching YouTube videos.
