I Hate Him

Lost In The Thunder

Lunch was eaten in awkward silence. I would catch myself occasionally glancing at Henry.

How could I tell him. The attraction to him was hard to ignore. We had so much of everything and I wished he was different. but wishing he was different was in itself a problem because I loved him for who he was at one point and time. Does he know that he meant so much, that he still means so much to me? But I don't want him in my life. I can't trust him he has a reputation that broke my heart once, now it's strong and unforgiving. No resentment no regrets. But God did I miss him in the most f*cked up way.

He just sat there stiffly, the tension in his chiseled arms was enough to distract me. My yes wandered to his lips where I watched him take a bite his strong chin slowly moving up and down with every chew I followed his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed.

My trail of though was interrupted by the sound of him clearing his throat.
"Like what you see?" He said with a cocky smirk and and wink.

"No, I was just daydreaming and I got lost thought."

Stupid. Stupid.

We soon left the kitchen and headed to the cozy cottage living room. I picked a book up in the way and we sat next to each other on the couch. I made sure there was a safe distance between us. Henry picked up the remote and started flipping through the channels.

I heard him let out a frustrated sigh, "Olive look at me." Henry coax.

I took my eyes off the book I was reading and looked in his direction. "What?"

"Come on, is this what we've become?" The longing in his eyes took me aback for a second.

"What do you want from me Henry? I don't have anything to give you and you already I'm done with all the relationship crap. I'm not going there again."I sighed setting my book down on my lap.

"See that's the thing I never understood, from my point of view you were it for me. I made some mistakes and maybe I didn't treat you the way I should have but God I cared." He frowned.

"You had your priorities, I can't blame you for that. I wish I could of been one of them. But that's in the past Henry." I sighed.

"I'm sorry for letting you down Olive. I wish I could take it back, I wish you would understand how much I need you." he said leaning closer.

My breath caught in my chest.

I felt stupid for missing and needing him too. it's simple attraction I told myself, I just miss his company. At times I'd wish I could of said things to him. Perhaps if I had let him know how unhappy things he did made me feel then he would of talked to me and we could of worked on it.

I felt him softly stroke my shoulder. "Olive, say something..."

The tinges of warmth and familiarity that floated through my heart and my chest. The warmth and tenderness of his touch awoke something that I had for a year and a summer tried my best for forget.

"I don't know, I don't know anything Henry." I wrapped I said picking my book up again and scan in the book this was useless of course because all I could think about was Henry's lips and how they felt.

"I want you back Olive, this feeling isn't just going to go away." he said running a hand through his hair in frustration.

I let out a sigh and settled my book back onto my lap. I scooted closer to him and I lay my head on his strong shoulder. it was the most I could do to quell the ache I had for his embrace.

The wid whipped wildy outside and the ocean waves rooared and fell.
The storm outside mirrored the turmoil I felt in the inside and I tried to lose myself in the sound of the thunder it's strange how things that scare you when your younger become a sanctuary for your older more battered soul.

I lost myself in his warmth radiating next to me. Living in a limbo of running or staying didn't make life easy.

I felt the tension leave his shoulders as we cuddled. This I can do right? Boundaries.

He flipped on the tv and I got lost in the peace of being surrounded by him and the gentile muffle of the waves in the distance.

***
I awoke to the feeling of Henry's lips  brushing against my forehead.

He brushed my hair back with his fingers and looked down at me. "Hey there, we fell asleep." His voice was husky with sleep and I almost wined when he moved and took the warmth of his body away from me.

"Yeah I guess we did." I sighed as I sat myself up too.

It was still poring outside and the sound of the angry ocean roared in the distance.

I tried turning the lights on but the power was out.

As I tuned around I saw Henry come around with a flashlight. "Hurricane supplies babe." He winked. "I've got a couple more things that could keep up entertained of you'd like." He said wiggling his eyebrows.

I scoffed. "You disgust me." I said sticking my tongue out.

He just shrugged. "It was worth a try."